Netflix Customer Reviews

Adam West's Tales from Beyond

This is truly bad. The stories are like what I imagine Amazing Stories and Twilight Zone received in the mail from rabid fans. If they then made them anyway with one camera guy, had the kid delivering the sandwiches direct, filmed them in the model house in a mediocre development, and went to the mall and picked people at random to star in it...nah, they still would have done a better job. This is depressingly bad.

The Golden Compass

I really enjoyed this movie, but I have to give it 3 stars because had I not read the book, I quite likely would have been lost. I know, I know, referencing the book is a vile atrocity, but the truth is they took out all of the relationship and character stuff that makes it work. The development never goes far enough to really get why these people are doing what they are doing, what their loyalties and allegiances are, and why they have them. It's absolutely lovely and I think they did a wonderful job on the casting. I just find that the heart of the story was left on the cutting room floor. You shouldn't have to read the book to get the movie, but this one falls into that category.

Alice

There are lots of complaints around the fact that this is dark and disturbing. Yes, it is. So is the book it was based on. Alice is truly disturbing to anyone who has read it or seen a more accurate movie representation, such as this. I found it really interesting and, yes, a bit cringeworthy, but still more true to the ideal of the book than most of the Disney-esque portrayals. What irritates me more with Svankmajer than the content of the story, is the quality of the stop motion. Why is it possible for a basic cable comedy show like Robot Chicken to perform believable motion, but not a major motion picture? It is, however, fascinating and his eye is great for portraying that otherwordly feeling his films try to engender. Surreal and haunting. I would definitely recommend it for a watch.

Severance

This is an awesome little jewel from the UK. Survival horror, low key comedy that doesn't overpower everything, a little bit of social justice...it's got it all. If I had to classify this one it would be blacker than pitch comedy. The acting is really nice and understated, the characters are idiosyncratic without being lampoons of stereotypes, and the dialogue really rolls well. Definitely put this one up for a watch.

Aguirre: The Wrath of God

Good god, give me back those 94 minutes of my life. Disturbing and haunting..hmm..only if you are haunted by megalomaniac artistic temperament types strutting around a boring, slow, movie with little character development. I know, better than half of the people on here will think me a troglodite, but this just did nothing for me other than make me want to slap the taste out of Klaus Kinski's mouth.

Superman Doomsday

I'm generally not one for superhero cartoons and I've never been big on comic books, but I liked most of the live action Superman movies. This really is a notch above the usual. I mostly watched for some of my favorites providing the voices and they did a good job, with the exception of Anne Heche. Why you choose an actor for voice work whose voice is like nails on a chalkboard, I don't understand. James Marsters is particularly nice as Lex Luthor. I appreciated the darker tone and themes of this one, especially exploring the corruption that can occur with such power. In the past it was always ham fisted with the good guy turning bad, this was more subtle and more effective for it.

Nosferatu: The Gothic Industrial Mix

Nosferatu is brilliant, no matter which way you watch it. While heavily edited from the original, I thought the music was a great accompaniment to it. It gives the whole thing a different flavor. If you are a fan of the original or if you've always wondered, but have a hard time watching silents that seem utterly outdated, give this a try. For people turned off at the idea of a silent, this is a great way to bring them around.

Winter Lily

Lolita with necrophilia. All men coming in contact with 14 year old Lily are apparently overwhelmed by her seductive charms through the layers of sweaters she wears to keep warm in the armpit of Canada, even if they've only seen photos. Her father is not immune and has an interest that goes above and beyond protecting his little girl. Throw in a leading man who looks like the love child of Keanu Reeves and Hilary Swank and some really stilted dialogue and delivery and you end up with this. The shots are actually lovely, they just needed to work on the script and hire a different casting director.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 3

How good this show can be really is a surprise, but this season showcases more than the others the best of and worst. There are some absolutely brilliant episodes in this one along with some of the biggest extremes of why the characters can get annoying. Alot of the progress in character development and the deepening of their personalities gets lost in some of these as they revert to type to make points (Buffy is so saccharine sweet you would like to slap her, Angel whines and broods around to the point that you wonder if he was neutered on his trip to hell, Cordelia becomes her usual obnoxious self, Xander's jokes get to be really annoying, and Willow is put back into goody two shoes dorkdom). By contrast, Faith develops layers that are fascinating to watch (Eliza Dushku is really nice here), the Mayor is one of the strangest and most fun villains to watch, and Giles gets to have some fun on screen with Wesley being the uptight, button down dork. Stick with it through the rougher ones because the good ones are so good they will have you excusing all of it.

The Cry

This is a stylish entry to supernatural horror based on the legend of La Llorona. La Llorona, a woman who drowned her children, is a hispanic legend that varies depending on the region, but that has to do with hearing her crying as she wanders searching for her dead children in the water. Here she possesses women to make them drown their own children. Nicely shot with decent acting it can't really be called scary, but it has a definite atmosphere. There're no graphic sequences and it relies on the ambience to spook. Definitely give it a shot if you are into legends (urban or otherwise) or creepy horror.

Frontline: Bush's War

At almost 5 hours for both segments this is quite a time investment and well worth it. Exhaustive coverage of all of the events from 9/11 through March 2008 and analysis provided by the insiders, former generals, cabinet members, CIA officials and the ground personnel. This is absolutely unassailable, non-partisan and, I think for a lot of people a wake up call as to just what damage insider politics and partisanship can do to anything a government tries to accomplish. Washington has long been a place where the biggest concern has little to do with the nation and its wellbeing and everything to do with how much whack you can wield. The infighting and petty political manuevers to get closer to the top really have overshadowed those with the knowledge, expertise, and desire to do good. When our government has become one in which suppressing good ideas and effective plans to stomp down the competition to ensure no one can rise above your own personal juice level is business as usual, it's no surprise the Iraq debacle continues and our kids continue to go into harm's way with little hope of any effective change. Learn this name well, Moqtada al-Sadr. You'll be hearing it for a long time just like the Ayatollah Khomeini, the Sandanistas, Manuel Noriega, or Saddam Hussein. He's just the latest we've financed (to the tune of several hundreds of millions of dollars) that will slaughter when we're gone, as he's already begun to do. If we ever get out, we'll be back fighting another war with him in a matter of years.

Night of the Living Dorks

Forget comparisons to Shaun of the Dead. This is more Revenge of the Nerds, zombie style. Where SotD was witty and original, this is more stupid teen comedy. Some of the parts are funny, but overall it's pretty lackluster. It has all of the hallmarks - good dorks vs. evil popular people, the overzealous male gym teacher who turns out to be gay, stealing the hottie from the coolest guy at school then realizing the sweet girl next door is the one, a hot teacher who wants to relive her youth of hash and free sex (think Stiffler's mom) with the belching stoner, and the inevitable beating the athlete no-necks at a sport. It's every teen movie that's copied Animal House since the 70s so nothing is original or terribly funny. People recommended this so highly, but I found it to be a really disappointing 91 mins. (FYI the dub is horrendous, watch with subtitles)

Point of Fear

Okay- IMDB, the review here...these guys have lots of friends and a great sense of humor. They also have some talent. Unfortunately it's still in the developmental stage. For what I'm betting was a next to nothing budget, they did pretty darn well. The idea is great, the soundtrack is nice, and the shots are really solid. The script, the acting, and the iffy sound are its downfalls. Really amatuerish dialogue poorly delivered makes sitting through this a bit of a chore. Jason Benjamin, the Doctor, also did the fight choreography. There's really not much in the way of fighting, he pretty much overpowers everyone pretty quick, but his experience shows and they look good. Linds Edwards and Austin Musick turn in nice performances, although they are the most hopelessly mismatched couple in the universe. Im going to go one star higher than I really should because it's good to see newcomers to the horror genre that can A. make nice fake blood, B. can put together a cohesive storyline, C. do an incredibly good job at shooting around effects that will always look crappy without a huge budget and didn't give into trying anyway, and D. for the camera work, which was really nice. I figure I'll say at some point I saw them back when...

Chronicles of an Exorcism

This movie leaves a great deal to be desired. Blatantly ripping off Blair Witch, the film uses a psuedo-documentary style to chronicle the exorcism of a young girl. It purports to be based on a real event, but I've yet to turn up any information on the actual case. 2 cameramen are contacted by a rural Pentacostal preacher to come and provide video documentation of the exorcism of a young girl. Why they are in a house that looks to be basically condemned...we never know. How she first exhibited signs that drew the attention of the pastor and worried him enough to call in the heavy hitters, 2 Catholic priests who are a kind of exorcism tagteam that travel the globe performing exorcisms, who knows? The ideas of a deep south Pentacostal calling in the Catholics and the Catholics calling in non-faith camera people outside of the church to document it is as hard to believe in as demonic possession. The acting is really poor with the exception of Ray Keziah as the pastor who does a nice job. Although they are supposed to be professional cameramen, even in scenes where it's not appropriate (when running, scared, etc.) the quality is less than what you would expect from Uncle Phil taking wedding testimonials with his VHS recorder. Waste of time and queue space. If you absolutely feel you need to see it, catch it while it's on IW.

The King of Kong

Give it a try. I know, I know, it sounds incredibly dorky and lame, but this is one of the most compelling things I've watched in a long time. It's like Star Wars with video games instead of light sabers. You expect to go in and feel sorry for all of them for making this so important in the great scheme of things and you walk away wanting to see justice. Frankly, it doesn't matter after this game who holds the record. One of them gets life and the other...well, he's the pathetic dork you'd expect, except hes 25 years older and a lot meaner. He still has the hair and maturity level you'd expect, though, so I guess sometimes it's not that far off. Steve Sanders, you seem like a good guy and you're certainly a success. Step away from the jerk, dude, step away.

Wicked Stepmother

If you are a fan of Bette Davis, acting, or movies, spare yourself and just say no to this movie. Bette can barely move and keeps delivering her lines into the camera (one assumes there were poorly placed cue cards) while her trademark patois gets amplified by her poor health and memory. The story is old and rehashed, the supporting cast not fit for even a TV sitcom, and it fails to be funny at all.

Bright Future

While reading the reviews there were so many that expressed their confusion. I saw the same with Pulse. Perhaps I'm just as weird as Kurosawa, but his stuff always makes sense to me. His films hit such basic human emotions and fears that I'm always confused by people who walk away wondering what the point was. This is a brilliant look at generation gaps that leave parents and children feeling alienated from one another and living in two different worlds. It's about how we sometimes fail to grasp that the most important thing is to accept until it's too late. Most importantly, it's about not taking second chances for granted and loving even when you don't understand and it might come back to sting you. It's another one that I'll be thinking about for a long time.

The Next Plague

A decently done, simple to understand documentary that asks what's the worst case scenario if there were another influenza pandemic, particularly avian. It provides a very good overview, makes the necessary caveats that it could be less than what is submitted as worst case, but is only a starting point. While it came off to some viewers as a political piece, frankly these are all very real concerns. WWI ended because of the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918 and world travel was extremely limited at that time. In today's world, when there is the possibility of preparation, when the drugs do exist, why would we not prepare? Notably there's only one politician who speaks to the issue (aside from a very short and nonpolitical statement from a spokesperson from the WHO and a sound bite from a Bush speech that says nothing) while the rest are the front line responders and medical personnel who are the experts. Definitely food for thought and well put together, I just wish it had went deeper.

Dead Waves

This was a disappointment. It's the J horror equivalent of a SciFi channel movie. A couple of stylish shots is about all it has to offer. There are lots of shots that have nothing to do with anything in the story that look as though they were thrown in as afterthoughts because they realized this just wasn't creepy. Even the pale, long haired people (which, I sheepishly admit, tend to creep me out a little bit) were just boring. The only cringe factor in this: mold. Even Asian horror completists can give this a safe pass and grab any one of a 100 better movies for the ever valuable queue spot.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1

I resisted this show like I was fighting off an infection. The first season lays important ground work, but is a weak prelude to season 2. I was told give it 4 episodes and you'll be hooked. That's the truth. Joss Whedon's writing with its humor and heart, really make this show something extraordinary. Light when it needs to be, the story really does get to the heart of what it would be like to be a 16 year old kid who has the fate of the world thrown on your shoulders. There are vampires and monsters, but the real beauty of this show is the emotional depth of the characters and their relationships. A true classic that, once you get over the title, will find a place in your heart.

The Sickhouse

This movie is definitely middle of the road. The idea and acting are above par. The image of the plague doctor with the beaked headcovering stuffed with herbs to "filter the plague" is not only historically accurate, but down right scary. Where it misses the mark is not giving more information on this secret society of homicidal plague doctors and having a lot of extraneous stuff about the teenagers and who is the father of the pregnant girl's baby. The ending tries to tie it all together and fails miserably. Most of the camera effects are stolen right from every other movie in the last 7 years and there's nothing at all new there. A better storyline might have pushed this to good, but since it meanders around it's really about a 2.8.

The Dresden Files: Season 1

I enjoyed this show when it was on and would recommend it for a view, but with the caveat that if you are a fan of the books the series is based off of, prepare to be underwhelmed. The changes to Bob (who is so wonderfully pervy and evil in the books) are the most stunning. Still this was an extremely fun series and for the occult genre, far above par. The episodes are very (let me emphasize, very) loosely based off of the storylines in the books. View it as kind of a fan fiction and it's really enjoyable. Look for our favorite published sarcastic wizard and pals and, well, you know what always happens when you compare the book to the movie/series.

Cloverfield

Have you seen the Godzilla movies? If you said yes, you've seen this done far better. I didn't mind the camera work, I didn't exactly admire it, either, but it was more interesting than traditional cam shots. The monster is very cool, suitably freaky, moves well and, as it should be, is the best part of the film. The worst parts are the actors and the slowest intro ever. You may very safely fast forward through the first 15 mins. It's set up to make you care about the characters, but if you have an inch more depth in your soul than Paris Hilton, you won't. They are pretty stereotypical wealthy, obnoxious, self absorbed jerks adults living in Manhattan. The camera work is too good to be shot by an inexperienced camera person, too constant for people fleeing, and they break any hope of believing that's what this is when conversations take place between the guy behind the camera and this love interest. She's hurt and scared, he keeps a camera in front of his face to have a deep, heartfelt conversation. The 9/11 imagery showed a real lack of imagination on the part of the writers and, frankly, anyone who talks about the deep symbolism in this movie is just trying too hard. The only symbolism at work here was stolen from Godzilla and their fears of nuclear annihilation made reptilian and 9/11 which, gee, no one else has done that at all! It's actually a halfway decent monster movie if you don't buy into all of the hype or hyperbole about it. Hit fast foward, stop when the lights go out and enjoy.

Resurrection

Concept - Great. Story line - Wonderful. Dialogue - So/so Christopher Lambert...why? Ultimately pulled down by unbelievable dialogue and a really dismal performance by Highlander, it's still almost worth a watch for the storyline itself. Catch it while it's on IW and don't waste your queue slot.

Donnie Darko: Director's Cut

This version should only be viewed by people who have seen the original and are looking for more information. To enjoy it as a film, watch the theater release and make sure to hit the deleted scenes. They explain a lot and add meaning. There were some really important scenes (for me, anwyay) cut from the original, but this adds minutes here and there with no purpose. Deleted scenes are put back with the most poignant moments cut out. This one also tends to beat you over the head. The change in the soundtrack makes that part inferior for me, as well. As a follow up to the original, however, it offers information that you might have wondered about. I really don't understand the choices Kelly made here and can only say that just like even the best of writers need an editor to eyeball their stuff, the best of directors shouldn't cut their own films. Missed opportunity here Mr. Kelly.

Daughters of Satan

Fairly typical 70s horror cheese, but with an actual decent storyline. Tom Selleck's acting is above par for this genre (unfortunately he's the only one), but he saves it from being a total schlockfest. Very slight exploitation touches here and there. If you enjoy 70s drive-in style horror and very mild exploitation, you'll probably like it.

Antibodies

Absolutely one of my favorite serial killer thrillers. Taut and suspenseful with enough psychological twists to keep you on the edge of your seat. Beautifully shot, directed and acted. The less you know going in the better, but I will recommend you ignore the cover art as in combination with the translated name of the film really gives the wrong impression. Antibodies in this context refers to the police officer's attempt to get the town to submit to saliva tests to put to rest once and for all the fear that one of them has committed a heinous murder in their midst. Also discount Norman Reedus with top billing under cast. He's onscreen for about 5 mins, has no real lines, and is basically an extra. I can't recommend this strongly enough.

I Am Legend

It's not the book. The entire message of the book is so skewed as to make this something completely different. While that bothers me, it also helps me separate the two. The movie holds up as an apocalyptic vision that just doesn't happen to match anything but basic premise to the book they hijacked the name from. Will Smith is surprisingly good and his character gets to be an undisputed hero, unlike in the book. Watch it, enjoy it, but if it feels a bit light in the implications zone or ends a bit too lighthearted, read the book.

Fingerprints

A SciFi channel Sunday afternoon movie. Mix in equal parts ripped off premises from Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Urban Legend, and every movie about someone who had a near death experience gaining the ability to see dead people, sprinkle in lackluster writing and really bad acting, stir (because shaking would be too scary) and viola! You have Fingerprints. It has a couple of bare breasts and enough drugs/alcohol and cursing to irritate the G movie crowd and not enough originality to entice the horror movie crowd, so I'm not sure who the target is here

Them

If you're looking for a horror movie that relies more on ambience and the suggestion of what lies in wait, this could be your movie. Creepy and atmospheric, the less you know about this film going in, the better. It maintains a tension that is notably missing from many modern horror movies. The ending was particularly good, in my opinion. Definitely give this one a watch.

The Mist

One of the best horror movies I've seen in a long time and one of the best King adaptations to date. Great atmosphere, good acting, a solid script, and not too much silly special effects. The ending, while not exactly like the novella, was approved by King and was his original ending as he wrote it. HE changed his novella and fully supported putting the original ending back in, so don't listen too much to the outcry on that one. I loved the end. One of the best films that show how people will react when everything falls apart. Sadly it will be designated a post 9/11 film (what isn't these days) and there is a touch of those overtones, but this is more basic than that and touches on modern sensibilities and the current political climate only by accident as it was first published in 1980. Definitely worth a queue space.

30 Days of Night

This film has a great premise, wonderfully executed in some ways and just bad in others. Fans of Anne Rice's and Poppy Z. Brite's eloquent, sensual vampires may not enjoy this. This takes vampires back to what Stoker's book was all about, monsters. They do not sit around moralizing about how they take life to remain alive. They are definitely intelligent, but it's more that of the super predator, a lion pack thinking ahead to where they will be next spring to grab the gazelles. The cinematography was very effective. Creepy, atmospheric, and claustrophobic it definitely conveys the right feel. The vampires are visually interesting, but they get annoying with their hissing and crackling and strange, gutteral language (complete with subtitles). The way the group starts to snap over the thirty days of waiting to be eaten is subtle and effective and provides some of the most compelling parts of the film. My only problem with it is that we hop too far along in days at a time and, while I'd usually applaud leaving out all of the extraneous detail, they failed to show how they got and rationed their food or used the bathroom and the way that affected the group. A large part of the terror of this movie lies as much in the siege mentality they are put in as it does in the vampires, themselves. It would have been far more effective had they explored that more fully. For me, it somewhat fell apart at the end, but I give them credit for doing something unexpected at least. Give a queue slot if you like vampire movies. It's definitely different and pretty good for all of that.

No Country for Old Men

Tommy Lee Jones is the main reason to see this film. Overhyped, it's still a very interesting movie with a lot of gallows humor. Moving at a snail's pace it's effective in the fact that the performances are allowed to stand on their own without a huge theatrical score manipulating the viewer's emotions in the background. Minimal is the word that comes to mind. The fault, IMO, is that the only character I had any feeling for was Tommy Lee Jones' sheriff. He's incredibly effective as the lost man trying to make sense of a world that resembles nothing he can comprehend. Chigurgh is cold evil and Brolin is almost unrecognizable and turns in a very solid performance. I think the subdued style, though, limits the depth of your feelings either positive or negative for each of them. The violence that many protest is integral to the plot, not overly gory, and is pretty realistic as far as what goes on in the world of money and drugs. It only gets 3 stars because I wouldn't buy it or watch it again, but it's definitely worth a viewing.

Tank Girl

I loved Tank Girl when it came out in the 90's. A girl and her tank. a love story. It's strange and surreal and flat out funny. Lori Petty has a field day with the freaky lead role and it passes across to the viewer. Interesting and definitely different, it's one of those things that keeps you shaking your head while you watch it. Worth a watch if you've never seen it, just because you'll never see anything else like it.

Lil' Bush: Season 1

This is one of the smartest and slickest cartoons yet. If the last 7 years have made you cringe, you'll enjoy this. Comedy Central has really outdone themselves with cartoons aimed at adults that are far smarter than most of their critics (who normally haven't watched them, I might add) give them credit for. I didn't know how they would be able to pull off a lampoon of people who are already like caricatures, but they have really outdone themselves. Give it a try and only drink stuff that won't burn coming back out of your nose.

Masters of Horror: Dario Argento: Pelts

By far the goriest of the MoH offerings, to date, Pelts is a total blast. Argento leaves off of his surreal, color saturated style for a more traditional gore fest with great effect. If I hadn't know it was him, I never would have guessed, to be honest. Meat Loaf is wonderful in this role and gets the pathetic pervert award of the year. If you have something against the fur trade, you'll get an extra little kick out of the poetic justice of it. One of the top 3 offerings MoH has produced.

Phantasm

Phantasm is a true classic. You must master your fear to keep from becoming one of the midget zombie slave race while being chased by Angus Scrimm's Tall Man. Bizarre, freaky, and truly original with a great score, this took 70s indy horror to a whole new level. It's a bit dated now, but not as much as you would expect. It was kind of cheesy even back in the day, but for something not like anything else, it cant be beat. A strange mix of horror and sci fi. Watch it then beware the brown dwarves!

Return to House on Haunted Hill

A pretty lukewarm offering. It's really nicely paced and doesnt seem to want to get too schlogged down in all the psychobabble that many times troubles flicks like this, but that's its only saving grace. Lots of jerky motion (which I actually like and find freaky, but too much just gets old), so-so makeup, a drawing and quartering that leaves no identifiable body parts despite the fact that you see one entire arm ripped off intact, some seriously crap dialogue (Thank you for being you!), and a fairly lame premise about a statue that has jackall to do with the original story. Wait until you see heart of the house, I about wet my pants laughing on that one. Overall there's some halfway decent ambience, but its a bit of a schlockfest. If you're waiting for DVDs, it might be worth the IW, but dont waste your queue slot.

Masters of Horror: Rob Schmidt: Right to Die

This was better than most of the standard MOH offerings, but that's not to say its great. A man and his wife are involved in a car crash in which she is burned over her entire body. With the chances being that she will not survive a full body skin graft and, if she does, will remain vegetative or unable to communicate or live in any functional way, her husband decides to pursue the termination of life support. Until, that is, she gives him every reason to hope she keeps on living in any state possible. It had a few creepy moments and some of the concepts to note her presence were interesting, but like most of them, its only passable. Worth a watch at just under an hour.

Masters of Horror: John Carpenter: Pro-Life

I appreciated the irony of this one and wanted it to be better, but, alas, it's MOH. The story is surprisingly disjointed for a Carpenter offering and there are a whole lot of 2+2=5 moments in there. It still would have been salvageable had the ending and back story not been so badly filmed. This is one of those instances where the suggestion would have been far better than actually trying to put it on film. It's really a 2.5 for some social commentary and concept, but I'll round up since it's Carpenter and there were a couple of good gory head shots.

Sublime

I was able to follow along and got the point to the story, but it really wasn't worth taking 112 mins to get there. Scenes intentionally placed there to try to add mystery and ambience just failed for me. Thomas Cavanaugh was pretty ho hum, I thought. This struck me as a good short story that would have been interesting at 40 mins or so and was just pumped full of hot air to last until feature length.

Rick Sebak: A Cemetery Special

This was disappointing. While I can appreciate that they didn't focus on the most famous sites, such as St. Louis in New Orleans, they seem to have found some seriously lackluster ones to sprinkle in with one or two truly historic or interesting ones. Even then they have a camera drive-by of some really exquisite work, as far as you can tell from the fleeting 1 second glimpse you get. There are some interesting characters and some places that attract and encourage people to picnic, have art fairs, etc., but overall it was a little too "On the Road" for me. I kept waiting for the world's largest rubber band ball headstone.

The Nazis: A Warning from History

This is a really well done and absolutely fascinating look inside the zeitgeist of the Nazi machine. Instead of focusing on the battles and troop movements, like most, this focuses on what made the people follow along. They even touch on other Europeans who joined with the Nazis, such as one man from the Belgian Corp. There are multiple interviews with unrepentant Nazis and they touch on things usually left unsaid as inappropriate or unfeeling. That's the strongest point of this series. The warning is given to show that this can happen again at any time. Given the right circumstances, fascism can seem like the only way out. There's a great deal of information I wasn't familiar with, such as the way different areas were handled by their largely autocratic governors (Hitler didn't want to be bothered). It may also be the only documentary about the Nazis that doesn't focus exclusively on the concentration camps. I strongly recommend this to everyone and think it would make an excellent teaching tool for high school/college aged classes.

For Roseanna

To each his own and it takes all types, blah blah, but if this movie doesn't reach your heart, you don't have one. Jean Reno and Mercedes Ruehl are amazing. Not my usual thing, but this is just a lovely film. If you think the story is implausible, then you've been fortunate enough to never have seen a man who feels useless when the woman he loves is dying and is grateful for the chance to do anything at all to make her happy.

Stardust

I was so afraid this movie was going to destroy Neil Gaiman's wonderful story that I put off seeing it. Having watched it 3 times over the weekend I can say my fears were unfounded. The style is fascinating. Visually it's Tim Burton without the "we're goth so it all has to be dark and dank" overtones. This is a hugely entertaining movie with heart and wit. I'm not sure why Claire Danes (who's very good as the "star") gets no billing for this, while Sienna Miller who is onscreen all of 5 mins. gets top billing. De Niro has one of the funniest turns I've seen him in yet and Pfeiffer and Cox are both solid. It's a new favorite!

The Most Fertile Man in Ireland

This is a movie I should have loved, and I really wanted to. The problem is that it tries too hard to be quirky and funny and cool. You're supposed to have laughter and tears, but it's all pretty hamfisted. I loved Kris Marshall in "Love, Actually" and he's good here, but the implausibility of a man whose sperm count is so astronomically high that the Catholics and Protestants are fighting over him to have him sleep with their women to give them the edge on numbers in N. Ireland, then forgetting this fact (despite making his living by selling himself as a one man, one shot, guaranteed impregnation stud service) when he sleeps with his girlfriend is just too much. It was close to being good, but trying too hard to be a cult film is its ultimate downfall.

Whispering Corridors

The synopsis for this movie is off. It's mostly teachers dying and only 2 of them. When I saw this years ago it was different and fresh. It was never really a great movie, just very different from the splatter films that saturated the U.S. market. Watching it again only pointed out the weak points. The creepy atmosphere is sporadic at best and is really undermined by being forced. The storyline itself is poorly paced and there's too much extraneous detail that never leads anywhere. Watching this is like watching "Last House on the Left" to see the buds of Craven's style before they were fully developed. It's interesting in comparison to say a Chan Wook Park, but really not worth the view unless you are really into Asian horror and want to see its contemporary roots.

In Search of Shakespeare

A lush documentary with the enthusiasm of Michael Wood and the lovely interpretation of the Royal Shakespeare Company. My only complaint is that they go too far in trying to avoid anything controversial. The theories about whether WS actually wrote the plays he's credited with (still much in debate by Bard scholars) are handled with one line and summarily dismissed. Personally, I agree, but I think it deserved a bit more. The way the early romantic sonnets written to a man are handled is potentially more distorted. Wood reads a few excerpts, states, "that's right they were written to a man" then reads a couple of lines from a sonnet about his young son's death and states that it's all about a grieving father writing to his son. The only clarification comes when they get to the 'dark lady' and Wood says "Shakespeare fell in love again, this time with a woman". Can you imagine the confusion for someone walking away from this and reading Sonnet 20 thinking its addressed to his dead son?! Other than that, it's quite thorough and the documentation supplied to back up his theories is compelling. Well worth the time investment.

Patrick

I will try to be as eloquent as the "it sucked" crowd. This is vintage and typical 70s horror. Music that sounds more like it belongs in a love story, formal, stilted dialogue, and little in the way of seeing what's going on. That having been said, it's still a fairly interesting plot. If you know and like 70s horror, then it's not half bad. If you go in trying to compare it to more modern horror, you'll be incredibly disappointed. Patrick has been comatose for 3 years and the premise is that because he has been cut off from the traditional 5 senses, he's overly developed his 6th sense (in this case, psychokinesis). If you liked films like "Rosemary's Baby" and "Coma", you might like this. Its not a great movie, even by 70s definition, but it's not as bad the "sucks" crowd contend.

Undead or Alive

This was actually pretty cute. I was pleasantly surprised, although I admit to going in expecting a grade A turkey. Kattan is nicely restrained and Denton does a good job. The story is, of course, ridiculous (it is a western / zombie / horror / comedy), but there are a few genuinely funny parts and not just the polite chuckle drivel they usually give us. Nothing groundbreaking, outrageous, or Troma-esque, but still a humorous little addition to the horror comedy circuit. The Brian Posehn cameo was a plus for me. Always good to know that Indian women taste like gingerbread.

Saw IV

Why they won't let this be the last of the Saw franchise, I'll never understand. It has been truly innovative in horror and while the films have varied in their quality, they are so often copied by lame knockoffs like "Are you scared?" that they are assured a place in the annals of horror. This one ties up alot of loose ends and, while many fans will hate that you finally get the full motivation that put Jigsaw on this path, I rather liked it. Saw is different in that there's no supernatural element or unkillable enemy. In fact the bad guy is dying from the first movie. III ended with both Jigsaw and Amanda dead, so I had to wonder how ridiculous the twist was going to be to keep it going. It's pretty far fetched, but it still works and, for fans, I think this will be the last one we accept as the good Saws. Much like the NES franchise, everything after 4 will just be crap. Definitely give it a watch if you've stuck with the movies. The games are still horrific, it still makes you pause to wonder whether you could do it or not and those really are the hallmarks.

Demon Hunter

This is actually around 2.5. The concept is fairly interesting and, had they had an actual writer put a script to it, it could have been much better. This is a bit lower than your usual B film, T&A, horror-ish pap. Its not truly horrible, but its not good, either. Sean Patrick Flanery is his usual gorgeous self and Drago is his usual maniacal self (with the worst fangs, ever, that make him drool whenever he speaks). Just a really poorly executed storyline and all of the church actors (cardinals, priests, the nun) were so bad that they brought it down even further. I wouldn't give it a slot on your queue.

An Evening with Kevin Smith

Absolutely laugh out loud funny! I, too, admit to being very much a Kevin Smith fan, but even I was surprised at how good he is in this setting. Generally if you take anyone involved in film and put them in front of a mic with a bunch of film students asking questions (what I expected, but most of them are just rabid fans) it will turn into a slightly pretentious "Why, exactly, I am a genius" kind of thing. Kevin Smith realizes that he's not creating the next "Citizen Kane" and makes no bones about it. Most of his humor is very self effacing and he laughs hardest when people try to make his films into important statements, constantly reminding them that he has a giant, rubber poop monster in one of his movies. Looking at things from a very normal guy perspective, he pokes a great deal of fun at how inane the movie biz and life in general are. Slow in parts, but definitely worth a watch. Its like hanging out with your friend who tells detailed stories. I do think the second movie is stronger and better edited, but Kevin is just a very cool, uncool kind of guy.

Dead and Deader

I seriously worry for people. This is a spoof, you know, comedy...making fun of all the stereotypical horror stuff? I'm mystified by the number of reviews about how it wasn't scary or seemed cheesy or was almost a comedy. I'm pretty sure that was exactly the point. As such, it was actually pretty good. Of course Dean Cain was over the top, and frankly he hams it up really well. The only thing they did wrong for a spoof? The black sidekick was likeable and not half as annoying as he would be in a real film. Admittedly, I love most things zombie, but this is pretty darn cute. If you like horror comedy, give it a try.

Chain of Souls

Trust me, save yourself the time. This is horrible. Shot on video, one guy on a synthesizer playing the same 4 notes over and over for the soundtrack, and a story that seems to want to be porn with acting to match. In fact, I feel compelled to add that I mean no offense to porn actors since I mentioned them in connection with the pile'o'crap. A pox on anyone connected with this film and may all of your SAG cards spontaneously combust.

Celtic Legends: Irish Legends

Issues? Oh man, does this have issues. First, they have a few in this series, this is supposed to be focused on Ireland. It's also supposed to be about legends and mythology. So we start with St. Patrick for about 20 minutes (mistakenly represented as English by birth). Then we go into the Gauls in England. Huh? Add to it that the commentators are primarily Brits, and you've got a combination to give any child of the Emerald Isle an aneurysm (it's also made by Cromwell Films, yeah, that's an Irish firm *rolls eyes*). The story teller they chose to do the last few minutes when they start addressing the actual subject is so dry and dull one can only imagine he specializes in bedtime stories to put the chronically traumatized to sleep. I fell asleep twice trying to get through this. I watch more History Channel and TLC than 90% of the population, so it wasn't my attention span that's at fault. There's way better stuff out there, skip this one.

Masters of Horror: William Malone: Fair Haired Child

Overall the MoH has turned out to be a great big letdown, with a few notable exceptions. This offering is better than most, but not great. No, it's not terribly scary, no gore, more of an old fashioned Poe-esque kind of story. Frankly, I appreciated it. I also like the ending. I'm sick to tears of horror that leaves a loophole ending (against any conceivable possiblity in fitting with the entire premise of this is how we get rid of the monster forever, until we are walking away into the sunset and it peeks out and giggles). Happy ending in horror, now that's original! The rest isn't, but it's still good on a classic level. Lori Petty is incredibly creepy and I started to wonder why she doesn't do more horror. The art house flashbacks, as someone else stated, are absolutely lifted from "The Ring" and felt like they were trying too hard. Still a decent entry and worth 55mins.

Truth or Dare?

If you like classic 80s horror cheese, grab a Lactaid and dig in! A great idea for a story turned into a bad script with atrocious acting and blood galore. Special nods to worst soundtrack ever (even for the 80s), worst acting nominees for all the psychiatric staff, the wife, and the detectives. So bad it's great. You can safely fast forward through the first 10 mins. and only stop the rest of the way for the bloody parts. A horror cult classic that people watch over and over. Yes, we know it's a horrible movie, but that's the point. I'ts also hysterically funny and has gore galore! A must see for horror completists.

Irish Myths and Legends

Okay, I didn't vehemently hate this the way the other reviewers did. It's a fairly amatuerish, shot on video, picture postcard of Ireland. I had no problems understanding the narrator with his Irish accent and wonder at people who did. The music is hit or miss, sometimes wonderful and sometimes bad, but they change tunes fairly often so if your taste doesn't lean toward a particular song it's gone quickly enough. They tell the bigger of the Irish legends regarding the leprechauns, the Blarney Stone, Tir na nOg, the Tuath de danaan, and the giant's causeway and the legends of Finn McCool. There are some others mixed in there, but those are the main ones. I'm stymied by people whose reviews indicate that they thought it was all a bunch of hooey. It's called Myths and Legends...what were you really expecting? It does seem more like something you would watch at a travel agents office and has a big "come visit Ireland" kind of message, but the scenery is spectacular. If you can be forgiving that there are no reenactments (sometimes a blessing) and just want to see some lovely sites and listen to an Irish lilt tell you some stories, then you might like it.

Little Otik

People seem to forget how awful the "happy endings" of many fairy tales are. This movie is unique in the fact that it shows a modern take on this horrifying story form. The tale is bizarre, horrendous, funny, and poignant at turns and will leave you rethinking many of the fairy tales you read through in youth when we so glibly skim right past the witches cooking and eating children and the wolf eating grandma. It does get a bit boring about an hour in, but it picks back up towards the end. The stop motion footage is not terribly well done, but Otik is so grotesque that they still pull it off fairly well. An interesting movie and worth a watch if you don't mind subtitles and if you have an interest in tales from around the world.

Waco: The Rules of Engagement

This movie is an attempt to justify what the Branch Davidians in general and David Koresh, in particular were doing at Mt. Carmel. Most of the reviews here are incredibly biased along party line, just like most of the footage. I'm not partial to either side and this film shows that everyone involved screwed up, big time. The most demoralizing and depressing footage has to do with Republicans making a child rapist, self named messianic leader of a group of dangerous religious extremists into someone with just minorly different religious views. On the counterpoint are the Dems who insist that nothing done by the FBI or ATF was wrong. What is wrong with people? This man and his group were a danger. They were stockpiling illegal automatic weapons and items such as hand grenades in order to defend themselves from the "Satanic" law enforcement that would come to take away the sexually abused children. Then the ATF, under the scary tenure of Janet Reno, decided to pull a stunt no less unconstitutional than the so-called "Patriot" act in invading and creating a standoff in which these psycho zealots chose to burn themselves and the defenseless children alive rather than give into their apocalyptic delusions. If they believed in Allah vs. Jesus, I'm sure the Reps would have no issues and if this had happened under a Rep White House, the Dems would be up in arms. The facts are that our govt. screwed this up royal, the nuts killed themselves, and the politicians who ignored either side of that argument just to stay in party lines should be not only kicked out of our govt., but shunned and sent from our shores. Wrong is wrong and both sides were exactly that here. Most wrong? Texas and a state law that says that 14 year olds aren't considered to be statutorily raped so long as their parents gave consent.

Six Degrees of Separation

I've always enjoyed this film and was surprised by the number of people who rated it poorly. Admitted, it's not for everyone. It's all dialogue. It exposes just how empty many lives are and how the grass just seems greener. The incredulity of these people that they, the elite, the uber wealthy, the uber snobs could possibly be taken in by a street urchin con man is beautifully done. Channing, Sutherland, and McKellen are absolutely amazing in this - Channing being far and away my favorite. The woman has such a screen presence and her facial expressions are masterful. Just like in real life, the powerful dust themselves off and use the story to garner more attention for themselves. Like the old saying, you have to have money to make money, you have to have social patina to build on it.

Dead Meat

This is...definitely a movie. It's bad in so many ways, but it's also a real hoot to watch. If you have a thing about eyes, steer clear. Eyes are sucked out by vacuum cleaners, poked out with screwdrivers, twigs, and even cricket balls. Apparently zombies, even those turned within the 1/2 hour, revert to some kind of gelatinous consistency that allows them to be split apart by just about anything, including high heeled shoes. It's original beyond the shadow of a doubt. I particularly enjoyed the child's party of zombies complete with party hats and face paint. Don't even try to understand what the guy with the glasses is saying. He has an Irish brogue thicker than molasses and most people will only catch a word here and there, but what you catch is hysterical. It's amatuerish in so many ways, but it's still a great watch if you love zombie movies and can put up with some rubber man stretched incredulity. Not scary, more of a "I can't believe they did that" kind of a thing. The gore is really pretty minimal and done with semi-skill. No nudity or sex. If your a horror fan, give it a watch. At least it's not a complete rip off of something else.

Bye Bye Birdie

I loved this movie when I was younger. It's a bit hokey and dated, but one thing about this stands out. Given it's age and, compared to idols of today (Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, etc.) this movie actually shows a positive message. Ann Margaret goes gaga in teenybopper fashion for the celebrity, but when she realizes that he is a jerk she kicks herself in the rump and moves on to a normal, decent guy. What a concept! Celebrity isn't everything and doesn't entitle people to be used. Makes you think about the young girls who worship and chase rappers that refer to them as hoes and tell them flat out that they are worthless to them and just another piece of meat. I think the lesson comes through in spite of the time it was made, rather than because of it. After all, getting married is still her number one priority.

Horror in the East

For those who watched this and were dismayed about the amount of footage showing casualties and the disconnection to humanity on all sides of a war, I suggest that's exactly why you should watch it. It lets people who were actually there fighting tell their point of view. It's often horrific to see these sweet, old grandpa types laughing about knocking gold teeth out of the mouths of the dead or shooting POWs because they were a pain to drag about, but the fact is that's what happens in war. We should see the bodies and the horror and the children displaced, maimed, and orphaned. It's the only way to understand the gravity of what it means to go to war. It's very informative and does not demonize either side, but shows exactly how bad man's inhumanity to man gets in a war zone.

Gabriel

An enjoyable movie. There are alot of comparisons to "Prophecy", and the storyline holds that up, but I think the whole work is more reminiscent of "Constantine" or "Nightwatch". In fact, this is "Constantine" with less budget, more heart, a clearer story flow, and better acting. There's a definite slump mid-film that is more than made up for in the end. Some great fight effects scenes, a nice twist, a great soundtrack, and a compelling concept. It gets a bit cliched at times, but it's still well worth the view or a queue slot.

Fear Factor: Season 1

The winner of this show should be escorted to a room, given a great meal, shown a lovely movie, all while odorless, colorless, tasteless poisonous gas is being sent into the room. Anyone who goes on this show is simply too stupid to waste the rest of the planet's oxygen supply. Joe Rogan is annoying, the constant bragging of the halfwits willing to do this is about as enjoyable as an unanesthetitized root canal, and it's just plain disgusting. If reality TV is the bargain basement of entertainment, this is down in the molten lava core. I suggest instead that, for the men, we just measure their manhood so they can stop playing "mine is bigger than yours" by eating maggots and, for the women, just sleep with the men and they can rate you. All these people prove with these stunts is that medical science has come way too far in stopping natural selection.

You, Me and Dupree

This is a crapfest from beginning to end. Matt Dillon, after his funny performance in "Something About Mary", has apparently made it to the list of people put in comedies without thought. He chews more scenery in this than a termite at the Winchester Mansion. Owen Wilson...why? Kate Hudson, who is usually just so dang cute and charming that she redeems bad films just with her screen presence, is just not up to the task of saving this. Just a really blah and mediocre offering with moments that are so bad they make you feel bad for the actors.

Scanners

Cronenberg's best. You know that game where you tell what superpower you would want if you could pick, this is mine. It's a bit dated, but it still holds up as an original and freaky story. Exploding heads and bad medical research. It doesn't get much better than this.

Highlander

There can be only one! Too bad they didn't listen to their own catch phrase when it came time to make the sequels. This movie makes no sense, but it is still unequivocably awesome. Sean Connery is a Spaniard with his usual Scottish brogue who carries a katana from his samurai father-in-law in feudal Japan (huh?). Lambert is a Scottish highlander who is one of the immortals who all fight to the death to leave the "one", but he makes friend with the rest and Connery trains him. Still one of the best sword and sorcery films ever made. Don't ask me how or why, you just have to watch it to get it. Classic!

MythBusters: Collection 1

This is a phenomenal show featuring two special effects geniuses with the minds of mad scientists. Everything is scientifically sound, but once the myth is proven or debunked...well, as they say "Jamie want big boom!". Funny, fascinating, intelligent, and whacky all at the same time. A great watch, particularly during the first two seasons before they took on the apprentices.

Civic Duty

This solid little indie offering offers some serious entertainment. The acting was good, the script nicely paced, and I didn't have any issues with the editing. The ending that seems so clearcut to other reviewers really wasn't for me. The news report seems to be taken as fact, but given the golf showing immediately before and after and the fact that the character took medication immediately before, the intention could have been that we are seeing a paranoid hallucination. I think the biggest thing it made me think about when I considered whether this was a reasonable scenario was the way the FBI reacts, or fails to. Given the heavy handed treatment after 9/11 and the radical revocation of civil rights from the Patriot Act, my first instinct was that it would be far more likely that an innocent man would end up in Gitmo than that a true terrorist would be ignored, but there is something to the paranoia (inspired, encouraged, and constantly reinforced by the White House) that probably had people calling by the tens of thousands every day reporting anyone of Arabic descent, or people who even look vaguely Arabic, into the system. Given the fact that not all law enforcement are quite as quick to pounce on a racial profile, the sheer volume of cases coming in (most of them baseless), not to mention the clusterfoo that was the restructuring of all federal law enforcement agencies in the aftermath and, yeah, it could very reasonably happen. Thought provoking, timely, and not quite as pandering to either side as I had expected.

Digging for the Truth: Season 1

Let's not mince words. This show is for women/gay males to watch a cute little piece of beefcake strut around exotic locales while feeling it's okay because it's history (much like men/gay females who watch certain cooking shows for the cleavage of the host, not the lesson). The entire show revolves around Josh Bornstien, who has no credentials other than a stellar posterior, a Marlboro man rugged/sexy 5 o'clock shadow, and pearly whites. Each episode focuses on how good Josh is to put up with these people and the hardships of things like climbing ladders while trying to keep his hair just right between him asking obvious, often insulting questions before looking at the camera and making "hmmmm" noises as if there's anything floating through that pretty little head of his besides "Are they getting my good side? They don't actually expect me to eat that do they?!". They completely leave out information that anyone with the most superficial interest in any of the topics knows and give you nothing else. I counted the number of shots focused on his bum. In one episode alone, 36. Priceless.

The Remains of the Day

This is a film that comes so close to being what the Academy seems to want to make of it, but really doesn't ever get there. The concept is interesting, the acting is top notch, but it is so incredibly slow and has so much extraneous, tedious detail that it all gets lost along the way. The locked down passions of these two overly proper household servants is brilliantly depicted by Hopkins and Thompson (both of whom could probably appear on film reading their grocery lists and be riveting), but the script really lets them down. Better pacing, better editing, and less mundane minutiae would have made this worthy of all of the Academy hubbub that really only reflects that it was the only appropriately highbrow film of the year and that the two leads are universally respected.

Death of a President

This is just a beautifully done mockumentary. Utterly believable with actors so well chosen to represent the "interviews" that you catch yourself thinking, they can't be actors, they must be people who do this in real life. It really has the feel of a History/Discovery channel offering. As far as the controversy regarding the use of public domain images, there is no attempt to mislead anyone (no matter how politically or socially unaware anyone could possibly be) that this is factual. I fail to understand how using actors in a drama is less of an infringement on personal privacy. When you become a politician, actor, or any type of public figure who lives by name and face recognition, you give up your right to have images you put out there for your own personal gain restricted in their usage. They have a believable plot and, if anything, I think showed remarkable restraint in their theoretical handling of the assumed assassin. Personally, I'm sure it wouldn't be as gentle as portrayed. Kudos to Gabriel Range and huge applause to the fine acting. As difficult as it is to think you could suspend belief for something dealing with real life figures, you truly can lose yourself in this one.

When a Stranger Calls

This is a bad remake of a movie that never should have been messed with to start with. I'm sorry, you are just never going to beat Carol Kane in that role. Admittedly, the house in this one is spectacular, but that's the only thing about it that sparkles. The original was superior in every way other than set design.

The Pagemaster

To be fair and accurate, I have to give this movie 3 stars, though I really want to give it 5. I always loved this story and the movie came out when my son was little. I must've seen this a hundred times with him and the magic never failed. Not big budget, a little dated, but the enchantment that is the story is worth it. For the 4-8 age range, be ready with keys in hand for a trip to the library when they are done watching it.

The Tooth Fairy

I used to think I was the only person scared to death of the tooth fairy when I was a kid. Some entity sneaks into your room, while you're asleep, no less, and leaves you money in exchange for a tooth. What are the teeth for? I pictured her wearing them in a necklace and laced through her hair like pearls. Freaky to say the least. This didn't get me on the level it did others where it was messing with a beloved childhood character, but the idea was good. There are just too many ludicrous and ridiculous things in this film and none of them have to do with the supernatural angles. That part gets a bit muddled, but it's about some unknowable presence (maybe, that's not really clear either). So that's okay because it's interesting, at least. What I can't stand is that the interspersed stuff is completely idiotic. A woman and her child are physically accosted and 2 men are dragging her off to rape her when she manages to get loose. She drives off as they punch in the window on her vehicle. When they get to their destination, the kid is completely unperturbed and she takes several minutes to even tell her boyfriend what happened and, despite her very obvious, constantly ringing cell phone, she never bothered to alert the authorities either. 2 dismembered bodies are found in the house, the child is missing and 2 members of the group are left behind to call the police. The guest (whose girlfriend is one of the dismembered corpses) and the former floozy attempt to call the police, calmly, and when the call doesn't go through, go have sex in the bedroom adjoining the one where the body is (this is within an hour of the murder). Sadly, despite all of that utter crappola, it's still one of the better supernatural thrillers I've seen lately. How sad is that?

The Men Who Killed Kennedy

This is an exceptionally well done, exhaustively researched documentary covering all of the angles to the Kennedy assasination theories. Some other reviewers suggest that the first disc contains loons and hardcore conspiracy buffs, but the people speaking are the actual eye witnesses, the police officers on the scene, the physicians who fought to save the president's (and soon after Lee Harvey Oswald's) life, the morticians who are experts in their field and had the closest contact with the remains, several forensic experts, a senator, and a former member of the Joint Chiefs. These are not people who sit in their basements wearing tin foil helmets and trying to communicate with the voices in their heads. It's very compelling and if, after seeing the Zapruder film, you could have any doubts that the president was shot from the front this will provide more than enough food for thought as to how accurate the Warren Commission's findings actually were. It's terrifying to think that our own government performed a coup de'tat, but is it really so unlikely?

Safety in Numbers

I really, really wanted to like this. I love the idea and it almost seems the natural progression to the idiotic reality shows that keep cropping up. This is just badly written. Surprisingly, the acting is not that bad. The storyline just is so unbelievable. An example - they are trapped on the island and 2 of them decide to climb up this bluff to look out over the island, scream, guy falls the gal with him wanders off back to the rest, then groups with some others to go off to the opposite side of the island completely forgetting the guy who fell down. More? They walk around the beach, are gone less than 20 mins and come back to find an entire building burned down, the fire already out (it amazingly didn't spread to anything else like the dry palms laying on the building), no one saw smoke or fire or heard anything. The whole thing is like that, except it gets worse. Too bad. The cast was actually decent.

No End in Sight

The best movie on the Iraq debacle yet. This doesn't get into the arguments about the nonexistent WMDs and the run up to war, it basically says, okay, they got us in it for whatever reason, now what have we done. They show Iraqis that are initially glad to see the end of Hussein's cruel rule then, through a single minded insanity and refusal to listen to anyone with experience or those actually there, Rumsfeld et al managed to create an insurgency that has left the country in far worse shape than it was when Hussein was in power. By the constant inefficiency, sheer stupidity, and megalomaniacal insistence that no plan was needed nor any experience at the highest levels of government we gave the religious extremists their in to the previously skeptical populace. Told not by conspiracy theorists with outlandish claims, but by the actual power brokers that were there begging for support (the former generals, CPA, OHRA, even McNamara) this has more credibility than any other and is absolutely unassailable. A terrifying portrait of the inability by this administration to handle even the simplest matters. Everyone should watch this and learn. We were taken in on a lie, still managed to do a good thing by getting rid of a despotic tyrant and could have actually made an improvement in these people's lives (not to mention our own image in the Middle East) and threw it all away because some old men with delusions of grandeur refused to listen to...well, everyone who had a clue.

Gunner Palace

How dare people who scream at home about supporting the troops question what these people have to say? They are the ones in harms way putting their lives on the line everyday to do their job. Yet people who want them to be gung ho and worshipful of the administration that sent them over there are disappointed in them when the actual people dealing with the day to day horrors admit they don't understand what they are really working towards. The people in this film are the real military. No, they may not conform to your ideals of white knights with a clear vision and no opinions that differ, but they are doing their jobs. How dare you question their right to say whatever they damn well please! If you don't like what they have to say, too bad. Haul your rump off of your sofa, sign up, and head on out. Then maybe I'll give a rat's bum what you have to say. I'm frankly against this war, but I would never in a million years dare to question anyone who has served if they support it and see it from an entirely different perspective. I would listen to everything they have to say since they are the only ones who truly know what it's like and have earned the priviledge of that respect. So follow your own advice and bumperstickers. Shut your ignorant, hypocritical mouths, listen to what they have to say, and support the ACTUAL troops, not the ones you would like to have. And UJL, they did make that film. It's called "No End In Sight". I strongly suggest you watch it.

A Clockwork Orange

What's wrong with those crazy kids and what, exactly, are we going to do about them? This movie is bizarre, but it does work. Leaving out the final chapter of the British release of the novel does somewhat change the ending. In that version of the novel, Alex goes on to plan to have his own family. Yearning to become a husband and father. It suggests that his psychopathic personality was just a phase. The way Kubrick leaves it, it seems that Alex is just back to manipulating to get what he wants. The violence is limited to the first 30 or so minutes of the film and only recurs again in two scenes where Alex is beaten by a former victim and his old 'droogs'. The language was very specifically chosen (referred to as Nadsac by Burgess) to somehow show the detachment from the crimes. The fact that Alex is never truly cured of his desire to do harm, only chained from it by his overwhelming sickness, leads us to believe that a leopard doesn't change his spots without exercising his free will (a huge theme). It's one of those things everyone should see once with an open mind. I certainly don't fault those who don't like it. I appreciate the polish on the surface of what is far more disturbing with more thought.

Satan's Little Helper

I like B horror, love black comedy, and forgive a multitude of sins in horror/comedy, but this is just flat as a pancake. There are a few moments that had me cracking up, but they are squeezed between so much utter, total crap that they can't save it. It actually warrants 2.5, but I'll round up for the parking lot scene and "Jesus is Satan". Really not worth almost 2 hours.

The Madness of King George

What an entertaining film! One of the few historical/period dramedy pieces that would appeal to those not usually fond of the genre. The brilliance of the script and the fantastic performances are that they make real people of historical figures who are so often out of reach. It's a terrifying look at early medicine and a cautionary tale of courtly life and just what devotion to a monarch can get you in the end. Not one performance of this wonderful cast can be faulted. I very highly recommend it.

Wisconsin Death Trip

This is one of the most fascinating and truly different things I've seen in a long time. Told completely through actual photos taken in the town during that time and some very unintrusive B&W reenactments with the only narration newpaper articles, it tells a story of how the good ol' days were anything but. Murder, mayhem, teenagers run amok-there are many of these horrific happenings that you could easily find in any current day paper. There is no attempt to tell the story or to draw any conclusions. It's just the facts, ma'am. There is some footage of the town as it stands today with the commentary as current radio news reports showing that the same horrible happenings go on in this tiny town (pop. 3,700). It's fascinating for any history buff, but I think they have done a disservice by trying make it into a question of what is wrong with this town (no speculation offered, just the overall feel and advertising of the piece). It would have been far more interesting, in my opinion, if they had made the point that this stuff happens everywhere. I admit, it does seem a bit moreso for the size of the town. It misses 5 stars because the modern footage is poorly used and there are a few recurrent things (the "whispering voice" and the broken glass montage) they use that are annoying. It's still a great watch and I highly recommend it.

The Dead Next Door

I had seen this years ago in a midnight movie marathon and I seemed to remember that it was funny. Either I was drunk or we MST3Ked it the entire time because this is lame. Coming from someone who loves low budgets, B movies, and anything remotely connected with zombies, that tells you something. The attempts to be cute with the zombie squad names and the doctor's hat just...weren't. I have to admit, it looks like it would have been a total blast to have been there when they were making it, but if you weren't an extra, just say no.

Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity

I've always thought Jeff Dunham was funny. He's usually pretty clean (comes in handy when the kids/your parents are around..I couldn't care less, my favorite comedian is Patton Oswalt). It was like a sidenote to his comedy, though. He was just funny as hell and happened to do it a mostly family friendly way. Me thinks Jeff has been influenced by the success of the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour", though. Suddenly his completely apolitical comedy has taken a decidedly right-of-center swing. Not extreme, but it's definitely there. I find that sad. He was one of the few comedians without any kind of political tinge at all and was someone that could appeal to everyone. He's still a great comedian, but there are now lots of gay jokes and Jose Jalapeno has become just a straight character with no lines for a bunch of lame Mexican jokes. They've always been there, but they were pretty tame and limited in the past. Achmed, the new puppet seems an excuse to do Jew jokes. It's not super offensive or anything like that, it just feels different than his usual show. Too bad, he's very talented.

Poltergeist II / Poltergeist III

Okay, I understand people getting bent out of shape about any sequel to a classic, but I think most of these reviews are more for 3 than 2. 2 is a great movie that sticks with the theme. It really brings home how much the family must stick together. I loved the preacher, the worm, the indian, and to this day if anyone says "God is in his holy temple" I get a chill. 3, on the other hand, is about the biggest piece of crap to ever have landed on the planet. The family is gone, she lives in some futuristic (at the time it was made) super building with Tom Skerrit (who is insanely sexy, but not enough to help this film). It's bad. Putting these together is like following your favorite meal with a nice after dinner drink of Ripple. Watch 2, and for the love of Jeebus just say not only no, but hell no! to 3.

Rebel Without a Cause: Special Edition

James Dean...the original Emokid. I have never and probably never will understand why he is considered a genius. His acting goes beyond atrocious. Throw your head in your hands, pull your hair and whine alot. Genius! This plays like "When After-School Specials Go Bad". I know, I'm in the vast minority on this one, but for the love of god, someone had to say it.

Titanic

This movie's continued popularity is one of the signs of the apocalypse. First off, Leo DiCaprio with his 12 year old's hairless chest is the rugged, sexy male lead? I felt like a pedophile just watching love scenes he was involved in. This was a tragedy of epic proportions. Particularly for the steerage passengers so glibly represented in this movie. Everything about the "love story" is utterly unbelievable, not only from a historical perspective, but from a common sense perspective. The only thing even remotely entertaining about this film was Kathy Bates, that's why the extra star.

The English Patient

What a boring, boring, boring, zzzzzzzzz *snore* zzzzzz, oh sorry, boring piece of film. Just for comparison sake, I own "Little Women" and have watched "Mrs. Brown" over 10 times fully alert, so I'm not someone who needs car explosions to stay awake. These characters are just...booooorrrrring. The portrayals are drier than the Sahara, the script is dull, and I just wanted him to die so that something would happen. Here's my short version review: WHO CARES? I recommend this movie to people who liked "Titanic" and thought it was a wonderful romance film and to people with insomnia.

National Geographic: Inside the Vatican

This was an interesting look inside of the vatican and at the people who work there. I'm not Catholic, or religious at all for that matter, but the place and the pomp and circumstance are really fascinating. They show the artwork and, what was really interesting, an entire order of nuns that do nothing but work all day everyday on the priceless pieces there in restoration. They also do a bit more inside of the archives than I've ever seen elsewhere. I'm so glad they got permission to do this in JP II's day, I doubt sincerely the current pontif would be as amenable to the idea.

Soft for Digging

I'm torn on this movie. While the silence got on my nerves (not to mention the overheightened sounds of everything else, you have no idea until you watch it), it seems almost preferable to some of the purely idiotic dialogue in a lot of low budget movies. Speaking of low budget, this is a shoestring...it cost more to feed the crew (all 2 of them, I assume) then it did to make this. At the same time it is compelling and they, very smartly, did not try to go too into homemade FX. I strongly appreciated that they managed to tell the story without the need to pour a ton of red karo syrup on everything. Edmond Mercier does really good job as the central character and between his very realistic acting and the deft shots makes this movie. What kept hitting me as I watched this is that this is something that anyone with a camcorder could make, but J.T. Petty's shots are something no one without considerable talent could accomplish. This would have made a much better short and comes in too long with too much extraneous walking around, etc. The jittery motion with the janitor scene is too long, along with his screaming and the priest really delivers his lines (the only ones in the film, alas) like an ST era Shatner on ludes. I realize the emotion he was trying to convey, but dude, seriously, 1 is a meaningful pause, 10 is annoying. I still have to say it's worth a watch. It's kind of fascinating and the story truly is interesting. Also fun for an old Glen Burnie native to see locales familiar to me (I thought the school was an old building on Waxter's until the credits in case the crew are checking the reviews). At any rate, there is some real budding talent here that, given a budget, could really make something amazing. Someone give these people a deal and let them show Zombie who the real new horror guys are!

Anne Frank: The Life of a Young Girl

This is very long, but informative. The reason that this is so much more poignant than other documents available at the time is that is specifically not written for posterity. It's just a young girl writing everything in her diary the way young girls do. Much of it is mundane and everyday and that just brings home how a kid can adjust to just about anything and that what you deal with daily is what's normal for you. Very well done.

Shallow Ground

This is one of the best low budgets I've seen in a long time. Heck, it's better than most of the big budgets out there. Creepy, blood galore, decent body count, a nice suspenseful story..what more could you ask for. Oh, for the people confused by the ending (without giving away the ending for those who haven't seen it) was the old lady buried? That should explain everything. Awesome little flick that should make Uwe Boll writhe in selfloathing that a film that cost $72k is better than all of his movies put together.

Left in Darkness

This movie is neither as terrible as some reviewers make it out to be nor as wonderful. It's a really interesting idea with a fairly crappy script and mediocre acting. Monica Keena is not as cute as she thinks she is and comes off like a brainless yet innocent twit who is still somewhat likeable. That's probably more because she has all the reasons to be an emo and still resists the urge to don black eyeliner 4 inches thick (I salute that in her character). More than anything her back story is so overdone to create sympathy. Her mom is dead, her dad is gone, she was raised by her grandpa (also dead), then she dies being gang raped on her birthday. If she were a horse they'd have taken her out in a field and shot her a long time ago. Add to that that she's still trying to play the innocent, Disney queen while she's really grown out of that role. Anders gives his character away in the first 2 minutes of screentime if anyone pays attention and, while interesting to watch in a deadpan sort of way, really isn't all that great. Part of the problem, to me anyway, is that the Asians have taken the supernatural thriller to a whole new level that leaves this looking like a partly done attempt. For a low budget, though, I think they did pretty well and, thank god, there's no "blue light night" effects that usually run rampant in them. I've certainly seen a lot worse and your time could be spent doing something less enjoyable than watching this. It's not so much that it's bad as that it's disappointing that they missed the opportunity to make something really phenomenal.

White Palace

This is a well acted, but profoundly sad movie. I'm a fan of both Sarandon and Spader, but, be forewarned. I'm not sure if the other reviewers watched the same movie I did. They saw a love story about different ages, different cultures, different socioeconomic groups, yada yada, but what it's really about is a relationship between two very messed up, wounded, just about to crack people who keep clinging to each other to stave off their own breakdown. Spader is a very young widower having lost his true love and the "perfect woman" far too soon. Sarandon the mother of a dead child. The first scene where they get together has Sarandon all but raping Spader from a desire to just have physical contact. From that point on, much of what takes place is more from Spader's sense of what's right (you take a woman flowers if you sleep with her). He's embarassed to bring her around his family and friends and even to be seen in public with her when he's not slumming on the bad side of town. When he does bring her around it's more out of a sense of obligation than the fact that it won't be the same without her. This movie is not a feel good romance if you pay any attention. They both play their parts exceptionally well, but this is about profoundly sad people.

Beautiful Girls

This is an excellent movie. By turns deep and brilliant then funny and irreverent. There are some of the best screen speeches ever. The luckless buddy going on about his obsession with supermodels (there is a deep and touching reason), Rosie O'Donnell's why men's brains don't work (and I'm not a fan of her, but it's a great speech and funny as hell), and, my favorite, the Pooh speech. It shows very realistically what it's like to go home again and find the parts of the same old crowd who've never moved on from who they were in high school. Reassuring and, at the same time, kind of sad. There are some really wonderful performances here with Timothy Hutton giving one of his best. You can't go home again...or you can, but you may find it the same and that you are unrecognizably changed.

Room 6

This movie is like a 7-11 burrito. It sounds good, really good. So you nuke it up and take a few bites and it tastes great(mystery hospital, freaky kid with visions, surgery on people still awake, demon faces on normal people ala Emily Rose). So you hork it down and about halfway through you start to realize you are getting something completely different (naked lesbian demon nurses making out while squirting blood on each other). Then your stomach starts to rumble as it all begins to break down and then, invariably, it hits the sphincter (lamest plot twist ever). Afterward you are left with a bunghole like a flamethrower and acid indigestion.

Masters of Horror: John Landis: Deer Woman

Absolutely awesome! Landis' quirky sense of humor at its best. This is not scary, but it is some of the best horror comedy I've seen in a while. Brian Benben does a great job here. I laughed so hard the Mountain Dew is still burning my sinuses. I thoroughly enjoyed this.

Purple Rain

I had forgotten all about this movie. I must have watched it a hundred times back in the day. I can't say it's really a good movie, although it was original for it's time and was one of the first MTV styled movies. It's worth watching just to see Morris Day perform. The music is pure 80's cool and, for us 30+, pure nostalgia.

The Secret

This movie is "What the Bleep", the materialistic version. Some of the most annoying spokespeople I have ever seen and all of them focused on getting wealth. This plays like an infomercial at 3am with lots of people screaming at you to believe it. While there may be something to positive thinking and visualization, this annoying group aren't going to be the ones to convince anyone. Most of them have some nebulous title/job like "life consultant". I'm really not one to poopoo everything, either, but this is like a cult comeon. I'd think that if all this crap worked, though, at least a couple of them would have been more personable. At least "Bleep" was looking at it from the angle of improving your life by looking at how happy you are and from the quantum physics angle. Here, I'll save you the 89 minutes. Want a house? Want a new car? Want a gajillion dollars in the bank? Sit down and picture yourself driving up to the bank in your new car, rolling naked in your own private vault'o'cash, then driving home to your incredibly huge, colossal house. There you go. That's the "secret". Of course, anyone who has ever played the 'what would I do if I won the $20 million lottery' has pretty much used the secret, but since you weren't knowingly doing it, I guess it doesn't count. The secret of attraction is what they claim to teach you. Apparently they still need to practice because other than Fred Alan Wolf this lot couldn't attract a conversation with the only other non-mute at a 3 day conference.

Dark Fields

This movie makes Uwe Boll look like Hitchcock, Argento, Carpenter and Miike all rolled up into one. Think I'm kidding? They are out of gas, cold, blah blah so they go aimlessly wandering around creepy, abandoned farmhouse (with electricity on....) urgent to get what they need (the key to the gas pump) and get out. So of course they slow motion walk around and poke everything, have conversations about how sucky parents are, stop to have sex, one gets killed, 2 of them wander on together giggling about sex after about 1 mins. worth of freak out screaming not even wondering where the other guy went...omg...everyone connected with this film should be hunted down, slapped repeatedly about the face with a leperous donkey schlong, then forced to turn in the SAG cards.

Borat

DISCLAIMER! You have to have a sense of humor to watch this film. Far right and left will hate this with a passion. The rest of us somewhere in the gray area between find this hysterically funny. The film is hard to describe because it's a one of a kind thing. It pokes fun at some of the stupidest things about American culture. Some of it is just making people uncomfortable in a completely harmless way, such as when Borat runs around a street in New York asking for hugs because he's so happy to be in the US and A. Never leaving character for even a second, Borat travels around the states on his eternal search for his "beautiful", Pamela Anderson with the threat of death hanging over his head just like his ministry official hanging over his shoulder. This is a whole new level of funny.

Ancient Mysteries: The Quest for the Fountain of Youth

I've always enjoyed the Ancient Mysteries series and this one is more focused than most. This installment delves into Ponce de Leon and his "discovery" of Florida, the alleged search for the Fountain of Youth, the roots of the legend both as concerns Ponce and the mystical powers of water, as well. It contains a good amount of information not only on the explorer, but the roots of his connection to the fountain, though it is highly likely his search was more concerned with gold and slaves, and the ancient roots of water as healing agent in different cultures. Interesting for history buffs and legend seekers alike.

Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God

Anyone who has ever played D&D would get a huge kick out of this movie. There are alot of references to spells and abilities that are actually from the game and there are even references to often used questlines such as Inverness, but it's also a good, basic fantasy movie for the uninitiated. There are several inside jokes like the cleric dying first, the sorceror's familiar scouting ahead to get killed right off, errors in low level teles, and the barbarian who rage rolls and can't get back under control so you have to attack them to make them stop. Good times! Yeah, I'm a geek and this is not exactly Oscar worthy, but it is so vastly an improvement over the first and so much more representative of the actual game that it deserves 4 stars just because SciFi apparently listened to the fans (or has enough D&D geeks on staff) to keep this one true.

Battlefield Earth

So bad even the Scientologists in the crowd couldn't like it. I'm pretty sure it was made to up their engrams (due to the trauma that watching this movie truly is) so they can pay for more clearing. See, this is why I always say that horrible things come from religion. Take a note from the Catholics, when they want to torture people they just start an inquisition. It's far less painful than sitting through this.

Monsters, Madness & Mayhem

I'm going to have to disagree with the previous reviewer. I don't see the rants against Christianity. They talk about the witchcraft hysteria, how the church fueled it, and the inquisition. Not news to anyone that the church was instrumental there. By and large, though, the modern church is rarely referenced. This is a fairly poor production value, light documentary series made for the SciFi channel. It does look at everything from every viewpoint, including when they are talking about devil worship and the hysteria over ritual abuse having *gasp* the head of the Church of Satan talking about what they believe. I've seen this guy on much more esteemed documentaries in the past. I don't really think it's a big deal. Actually this may be one of the more evenhanded shows with regards to pagans. Unfortunately some of the people they got to speak, particularly regarding Wicca, are not really up to the task. Overall it's a presentation of ideas and really doesn't get heavy handed pushing you in any direction. I appreciate that whether I agree with what's being discussed or not. It's an interesting little series that manages to have a couple of pieces of information that I had not heard before and lets you make up your own mind. Kind of refreshing these days. If you want the usual force fed opinions, you probably won't like it.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

SPOILER!! This is not a horror movie with a courtroom side story, this is a courtroom drama with a bit of horror thrown in. It's really not as bad as people make it out to be. Understandable in that it's nothing like what you are led to believe you are getting. The performances are fairly good and the court case is fascinating. There are some creepy moments, but they are limited. The worst part is the clubbing you take at the end where they tell you to repent and love Jesus and everything will be okay. The Virgin Mary even gives her the option of dying and getting it over with, but she decides to stay to fight the evil...yeah, I was with it until that point, too. That being said it's still a halfway decent movie. Just know what you're going to get going in. The Exorcist it surely isn't.

Coyote Ugly

People are saying this is a chick flick? Wow. I've never seen a movie more targeted at men outside of a porn shop. I'm really not a feminista and don't get all hung up about not portraying women in a strong light, but this is a stupid and insulting movie to people of all sexes. If you are a guy or a lesbian, you can enjoy the abundant flesh and dancing on bars. Otherwise it's a story about a girl chasing her dream to...show abundant flesh and dance on a bar. Oh yeah, she sings too. While showing abundant flesh and dancing on the bar...but it's the best bar in town and, much like the old Playboy club, they don't hire just anyone to be a Coyote...god no, you must have boobs. And not just like at Hooters, you have to be able to dance on the bar too, not just serve drinks with your jubblies bouncing about trying to spill that rum and coke. Stupid, vapid, no discernible plot line. At least in the end her dad comes to bar and has a drink and watches her dance on the bar, bouncing her jubblies and singing. He is proud *tear*

Priest

This is a wonderful film that challenges the church's public face vs. the private face it knows only too well, but chooses to ignore. It looks at piety, chastity, love, and doing what's right against what the church dogma says. Which is the more Jesus like? To turn a blind eye when confronted with something as the church advises (in this case a sexually abused child) or to stick it out and make a stand for what is right. Great performances by the entire cast. If you are offended by the concept that a homosexual can be a good Christian and good person, don't even bother.

The St. Francisville Experiment

You know, I love these kinds of movies. Even the bad ones where everyone else just gushes about how lame it is. This one is just crap. The Wiccan/psychic was so annoying I just wanted to slap her. It's like they said, let's make a movie. Let's get something that will really hook people..oo..I know, haunted estate in the bayous of LA, that's popular right now. Then we'll make it a ghosthunter expedition. Now we're cookin'! Okay the script...well, let's just hire all of our best friends and we'll let them wing it on site.

Reality

Only good for born again, fundamentalist Christians. This goes so far to insult and demean the possibility that anyone else could find fulfillment in any other religion that it will make your blood pressure rise. You're one of them or you are nothing. Reality, indeed. If your reality is to claim to be a follower of the greatest pacifist and nonjudgemental man ever born into the world, then forget everything he advised you to do (not judge others, love the sinner even if you hate the sin, tolerance) in order to beat the lord into people, well, your reality is pretty freaking screwed up. I really hope that Jesus is waiting for this lot. Boy is he going to have something to say to them before he hits the 'down' button on the elevator.

Out Cold

This is one of those all time, stupid, funny enough in parts to crack a rib kind of movies. They mess with the passed out guy (and it's original stuff..in fact we pulled the car stunt on someone after seeing this), someone gets their parts stuck in a hot tub filter, it has Jason London, it's based on Casablanca if Casablanca was a B comedy, did I mention Jason London? It even has Zach Galifinakis. If you liked Super Troopers and crack up if someone starts singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" or uses the line "I guess I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue" you'll like this.

Fear of the Dark

This was a real surprise! Some of the best acting I've seen in a horror movie and by young actors, no less. It's incredibly sweet for a horror movie, too. Not much on the scary side for horror buffs, but it does tap into all those primal shadow fears even for an adult. Well worth seeing just as a comparison point to the usual crap they try to make us think we are stuck with just because something is horror genre. This would be an awesome movie for a sleepover (as long as the parents are up for no sleep and lots of screaming). Very, very well done. Now if only we could get the big names to put this much finesse into a movie we'd have something. Man can these kids act!

The Buried Secrets of M. Night Shyamalan

This is hysterical and a genius piece of PR. Anyone who took this seriously after the first 1/2 hour or so was just looking to be duped. I admittedly got sucked in with the drowned kid angle in the beginning, then I started to think it was getting a bit deep, then I was rolling on the floor laughing. The best part was Johnny Depp talking about how he refused a role because of the exhaustive contract restrictions around talking about Night and how they gave you a set of answers to frequent press questions that you were not to deviate from. Cue Adrien Brody to give the specified answer in a seperate interview. Getting sucked in at first is pretty easy because it's not hard to imagine Night as a bit of an ego. When his "supernatural" powers start to manifest it's just funny. I always liked his movies against the trend and this is probably another one where I'll be in the minority, but if you want to see the slyest piece of marketing ever (keep in mind it was made for the SciFi crowd), watch it and laugh your buttocks off.

Raising Helen

This movie is not as terrible as you'd expect, although it is a total ripoff of "Baby Boom" (which was a much better film, IMO). This gets three stars for the charisma of Kate Hudson, John Corbitt, and Joan Cusack. Cusack is great in this.

Death Tunnel

Straight out this movie sucked. Bad acting, bad writing, bad directing, stupid story..you name it, it's there. So why 2 stars? Because it has some of the best footage actually shot inside of Waverly Hills Sanitarium that I've ever seen. Ignore the screaming, vapid, half naked, non acting twits flitting about and what you get is way more interior shots of the infamous hospital than I've seen in all of the documentaries and ghost hunter shows combined. Oh, for laughs, the Booth brothers (cut your hair and take off those stupid hats, you're not Jose Eber for crying out loud) also made a documentary style movie "Spooked: The Ghosts of Waverly Hills". It's annoying to watch because they keep trying to get all MTV jiggy with the shots, but there is some solid information and they had tons of footage inside of areas that I've never seen before.

Silent Hill

First off, the synopsis is dead wrong. She's not taken to a faith healer. She's an adopted child who has recurrent nightmares (with sleepwalking into traffic, trance states where she changes all of her pictures into blacked out horrific images)about a place called Silent Hill. When she's awake she remembers nothing and the name is not familiar to her. Her desperate mom researches and finds that Silent Hill, WV is a ghost town where coal mine fires killed a good many of the people in the town and still burn underground. She decides to take the child there to see if she can figure out why she has these fits. Now, if you've never played the games, it might not make a lot of sense. Stick with it, they explain a lot about halfway through. If you have, you will probably love it or hate it. The visuals are dead on and fans will be tickled with their rendering of the hanged man, the nurses, and, most of all, Pyramid Head. The story isn't directly from the games, more of an amalgamation. It's very much like watching a video game. There are the clues to be followed and the actors even stop and read the signs (again, dead on to the game) and pause to look around at intersections the way a player would. They even have the bodies on stretchers randomly scattered. I'm a huge Silent Hill fan and I loved it for how true it stayed to the game, but for non fans it might seem a bit hokey as many of the scenes are dead ringers for cut scenes in a video game. The gore hounds will love the barbed wire scene (way over the top but pretty cool). Like the games it is creepy and atmospheric. The music from the games is used throughout and even kicks in at the right times. The melting into the dark world when the sirens go off is very well done. It's very much like a nightmare come to life. If you like your horror off of the beaten path and are a sucker for atmosphere, you'll probably enjoy it.

Highlander 2: Renegade Version

NERD RAGE!! Okay, you make the greatest sword/immortals movie of all time then you come back with this. Now they are aliens fighting for the environment. I've watched all of the horrible sequels to Highlander and, like the true fantasy nerd I am, have loved them all on some level, but this is infuriating. Do you know how bad it has to be for them to make a Highlander film, with Christopher Lambert and *drool* Sean Connery and have me give it one star? A pox on the people who wrote this film and may an elephant defecate in their kitchens! (Okay, perhaps that a bit harsh, but this is just sick and wrong.)

Up Close & Personal

So many people see this as a great love story. I'm stymied by that. She leaves him for her career, choosing herself over them. When he dies the focus is all on how it affects her and her presenting herself in the best possible light. I thought it was a good indictment of the broadcast industry that throws out hard working, talented, intelligent newspeople for vapid, shallow, pretty people just because they have a smaller waistline and prettier eyes. I never felt sympathy for Pfeiffer's character and only marginally for Redford's. For those who will endlessly debate the Savitch issue, she's said herself that it is based, loosely, on her life story. Then again, this is a society that worships Paris Hilton, et al. Why would I be surprised that the egomaniac, self absorbed lead is attractive to people....

Island of Dr. Moreau: Director's Cut

Far and away the stupidest movie I have tried to sit through. I can't say that all will agree with me. While watching in the theater my date and myself were in absolute hysterics along with about 50%. The other 50% were absolutely mesmerized (and not a little annoyed at the rest of us). Brando can be forgiven for overacting this to the point that he did. He did it in "Apocalypse Now" and everyone said it was brilliant, so stick with a sure thing. Val Kilmer and Fairuza Balk I take a bit more issue with. Still the story is classic and, while not exactly plausible, it still could have made a far better movie than what they came up with. I didn't expect art, just entertainment. I had to give it two stars for entertainment. While unintentional, it almost makes it as a great comedy/spoof.

Dances with Wolves

This is a wonderful story with beautiful cinematography. I enjoyed so much of this film that it seems odd to give it 3 stars. The main reason for that is the flat acting by Costner and the failure to edit this down. There are many films that I wish they would take the full 4 hours to tell (particularly movies based on books), but this really runs just too long. As lovely as it is, there are only so many long, epic shots of stunning scenery that are needed in any film. It would bother me less, I think, if Costner acted more of the role instead of kind of wandering through it as a zombified lump of wood. Fortunately for him the story was so touching and the script so well written that it overcomes that part. It's one of those films that should be seen at least once, but it's a rather big investment of time and interlapping boredom where editing really could have made this into a full masterpiece. 3 hours would have still made for a long movie, but it would have been full and not left the viewer feeling like they were literally ticking the moments of their life away because they wanted to see how it would end.

The Grudge

Yes, this version is marginally scary and Shimizu is always a talent, but you have no idea what you are missing. It's not a bad movie and it has it's moments, but to see what this film could and should have been watch the original "Juon". This remake is a pale shadow of the original. SMG is not of the right caliber for this film and it suffers tremendously for it.

House of the Dead

Uwe Boll is, bar none, the worst director working in Hollywood today. I have seen not one film of his that is worth the price of the film it's printed on, much less the exorbitant production costs he demands to make these craptacular...I started to say monstrosities, but that would be too "horror" for what he does. At Fangocon he was actually heckled by the audience at large. Several people were known to sport "Teabag Uwe Boll" shirts. This movie doesn't fulfill as horror, video game adaptation...heck as a movie. He doesn't even manage to make a funny/bad B movie. Just truly bad.

If Lucy Fell

For people taking this too seriously, Eric Schaeffer said in an interview that he wrote this just so that he could play opposite Elle Macpherson. That's the sense of humor you are looking at. Personally I love this movie. It's 1 part quirky, 1 part silly, 1 part been done to death, but...I still like it. It may be the only movie where I don't feel compelled to flip off SJP at least once every 15 mins. I, too, loved the calendar, the pact, and the "spit test". Meh, watch it for yourself. I don't claim that it's a masterpiece, I just get a hoot out of it. Suntan lotion Baby!

Ancient Mysteries: Dragons: Myths & Legends

I found this very enjoyable and many of the reviews here suspect and looking too hard for offense. Anyone familiar with the Ancient Mysteries series knows the general overview style. They delve into the many different dragon representations throughout western and eastern cultures, their similarities and differences, dragons in Christianity, eye witness accounts from history from the likes of Herodotus and Marco Polo written as factually as descriptions of the local flora and geography, along with a brief touch on modern day cryptozoology. Certainly food for thought when they review how similar descriptions from around the world are at times when there is thought to have been little or no contact between the cultures in question. As for Christians taking offense (and yes other reviewer, Catholics ARE Christian) I'm not sure how offense is found by quoting scripture regarding Leviathan in both the old and new testaments. Interesting and worth a watch and certainly not offensive for 99.9% of viewers.

Super Troopers

Oh yes my pretentious little reviewers, hit us again! We all have single digit IQs and are retarded/stoned/12...oooo owwww... Your self serving little bile fests aside, this movie is funny. Yes it's silly and, no, it's not "Citizen Kane", but it makes me laugh so hard I have tears streaming down my face. Ignore the obnoxious little reviewers who have nothing better to do than try to insult the intelligence of anyone that finds this hysterical. They are probably the same people who thought that "Sideways" was the greatest comedy ever made. It's a matter of taste. Try it. It's not like anyone is going to die or lose a limb if it's not your style. If you do like it, don't feel bad. There are a lot of us out here with advanced degrees, clean drug tests, and the ability to walk and chew gum at the same time who roll on the floor watching this.

Do You Like Hitchcock?

A bit of a disappointment. Take a Hitchcock style thriller and put Argento in the director's chair and you should have a masterpiece. What you end up with is a lackluster copy. The Hitchcock references are fun, but that's about it. Argento leaves off his beautiful style (for the most part) to pay homage to Hitchcock, but it's like buying a Gucki bag from a street vendor. It sort of looks the same, but falls apart pretty quickly. The acting is...bad. Plain and simple. What you end up with is not quite either one's strong suit. The music is badly done in the beginning, but later provides the most solid Hitchcock feel. If you're looking for a Hitchcock story with Argento cinematics, as I was, you're going to be disappointed.

The Gate

This movie has become a huge insider joke on horror boards. So many people vaguely remember this film from their teenage years and jump on just to ask "Does anyone know what movie this is? I'm dying to see it again!" that now whenever you make a one post asking for the name of a movie, invariably people will say "The Gate" even if you are describing TCM. This is a great, cheesy, campy horror film that is a classic in the sense that an entire generation of horror fans were mesmerized by it. As much a cult film, IMHO as the Romero films. Sure, it's dated and the FX are kind of lame now, but the story catches the imagination. I still love it and watch it at least once a year. Give it a try!

Reincarnation

Is it extreme (especially in an Asian horror context)? No, but it is one of the most fun horror movies I've seen in a long time and, IMHO, the best thing to come out of Horrorfest. This movie is creepy and atmospheric, beautifully shot, and a bit more traditional. Very much in the supernatural genre for those that enjoy the creepy thriller. I will say this would have been 5 stars if it hadn't been for the ending. The last 2 minutes were a total let down in what was otherwise a very solid movie. The rest of the movie is so strong, however, that it totally makes up for it. Very enjoyable.

Heroes: Season 1

Wow! What a surprise! I wasn't terribly interested in this show when it originally aired. I thought it was going to be another comic book type of thing that would miss the mark. After tons of praise from people whose taste I trust, my son and I got this to watch. This is simply one of the best written shows on television. The pilot was intriguing, but cannot capture the full experience of this. Once I got to see the introduction of Hiro Nakamura, I was hooked. Great character development, plot twists that are foreshadowed, but still manage to take you by surprise, and great casting make this addictive.

Three ... Extremes II

This movie gets such a bad rap due to the titling. As stated, it was actually released before "Three...Extremes" and was rereleased to cash in the success of that film. The stories here are generally not as strong as that film, it's true, but they are still good. These are three relatively unknown directors up against comparison to the likes of Miike and Chan-Wook Park. That's some big shoes to fill. Not to mention that the Thai imagery is not nearly as well known or as accepted as the usual Japanese or Korean that has become more familiar. I enjoyed all of these stories, possibly the least was the one about the Thai puppets, but that was intriguing to watch (and such a core cultural legend) that I don't discount it as much as some. It's a wonderful way to see some other cultural spins on horror and these three entries really are representative of their national flavor when it comes to myths and legends prevalent there. I strongly recommend it.

Pulse

It is a bit slow paced and takes a bit to get around to the end, but I disagree with other reviewers and think that Kurosawa knew exactly what he was doing. If you take into consideration the cultural influences of an island nation so overcrowded that noone is ever truly alone, in the sense that you can pretty much hear your neighbors breathe juxtaposed with all of the cultural taboos, germ phobias, etc. that make isolation and self control as ingrained as breathing, it makes more sense. I haven't seen the American remake because I'm not sure that even New Yorkers can capture the true spirit of it. The end did bother me, but all in all it's a haunting work very evocative of the base fear that we are truly alone in a sea of people unless we purposefully reach beyond.

Jerry Maguire

I have to jump in with a few other female reviewers and say that this is not the be all end all of romantic films. Cuba Gooding Jr. is funny, but there's too much forced "see how funny Cuba can be?" ambience. Renee Zellwegger does something no single mother would ever do...quit her job to follow this guy. Tom Cruise is cute (I don't find hobbits sexy), but again, cloying and more clubbing to the head how cute he is. I really don't get the huge appeal of this movie. The only thing I loved about this was the kid. Yes, that was also slapped upside my head repeatedly of how cute this kid is, but he still is a cute kid. The interaction between he and Jerry is the true sparkle of this film. While there's zero chemistry between Cruise and Zellwegger, the chemistry between Cruise and Lipnicki is amazing. It's the only relationship that doesn't come off as completely fake. I admit it made me think higher of Cruise because I don't think he's a good enough actor to fake that level of enjoyment of playing with the kid. A general, typical Hollywood blah fest with one sparkling facet.

Three ... Extremes

This is a great introduction into Asian extreme horror. Fruit Chan's "Dumplings" is the universal favorite in horror circles and probably the most shocking for people for which this is their first experience. One note, people who want to see a political statement on abortion (which is central to the plot) from an American standpoint are making an error. There may be a bit of political intent, but remember that this entry is from Hong Kong, recently back under Chinese control whose population control laws are well known. DO NOT try to view this with an American sensibility. Personally, I believe it's more of a universal taboo that's the goal here, but I can't claim to know the true intent. "Cut" is a beautiful, surreal, color drenched piece from one of my favorite directors Chan-wook Park. The entire time I watched it I kept thinking that if Argento was Asian, this is what his films would look like. The story is about a film worker turning the tables on a famous horror director. Nice twist at the end. It's a very solid piece, gripping and intriguing, but not his strongest work. The third entry "Box" is from the master of all Asian extreme, Takashi Miike. While it's a good example of how beautiful Miike can make an image, the story is not his best. Much like his MOH entry it's lacking his usual treatment. I'm beginning to believe his vision takes the full movie length to have maximum impact. That having been said, it's still a great horror piece and I loved every minute of it. Just keep in mind that the work isn't necessarily representative of the body of work by these three brilliant directors.

Interview with the Vampire

When this movie was in production, Anne Rice (having signed away her right to final casting say) was furious that they chose Tom Cruise and let it be known. Once she saw it, though, she took out full page ads recanting and urging her fans to see it because she was so happy with his performance. I'm not so sure. Cruise does do a decent turn as Lestat. He gets the attitude right, as well as the subtle interpretation that Lestat is not all brat prince and has some true feeling about him, but I still had trouble with him not only physically, but just on general principles. Brad Pitt shows how little he can act. Meaning both that his talent is pretty limited, but he underplays it so much that it actually works. They butcher some important parts of the book, yet, despite all of that, it's still a really good film. They manage to tell the story, despite severe editing, and this huge fan of Anne Rice still liked it. Kirsten Dunst is amazing. It's a shame she peaked here and went on to become the simpering, vapid twit character she now plays so often.

Something the Lord Made

I watched this film to see Alan Rickman, but when I saw Mos Def playing opposite this heavyweight I was prepared for a disappointment. I was dead wrong. Mos Def shows real acting talent and steals this movie. The story is compelling and touching without being preachy. It's hard to pull off with a movie that has racial discrimination as an integral plot point and I sincerely applaud HBO for not giving into the temptation to make the movie all about that. The balance between the racial implications, the relationship between these two brilliant men, and the groundbreaking medical achievements that neither could have accomplished alone is done so much better and the point brought home so much stronger by letting the audience come to it on their own rather than being bludgeoned over the head with it.

Trainspotting: Collector's Edition

When I went to see this in the theater, I was afraid it was going to be just a slick, let's be really gritty to be an instant cult classic kind of a film. It is both of those things, but it is incredibly disturbing. There is a scene with a toddler (if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about) that literally had me shaking. I would still give it 5 stars, despite the filthy depressed feeling you get after watching it, if only they had a bit more character development. I think it could be argued that the characters are done that way on purpose as a great deal of this is seeing things the way they do in the drug induced haze and since they are basically personality-less then, this is an accurate portrayal. I can go for that, just more development in the few straight scenes would have been nice. Take a gallon of Clorox to the shower with you after this one, you're going to need it to get that grimy feel off.

Ray

A very solid film outside the normal genre that would appeal to me. Foxx is truly amazing in this role. It would have been so easy to overdo the trademark gestures we all associate with Ray Charles, but he never does. The editing was well done and it shows a side that, I think, most people are not aware of and probably don't think too much about. Ray Charles seems to transcend race in most people's minds due to his musical genius, but this demonstrates that this was not always the case. A really stunning movie.

Dreamcatcher

I guess I must be in the minority. This is the first Stephen King offering where I preferred the movie over the book. The book never hooked me the way his stuff usually does, but I really enjoyed this film. There were changes made, but, in my opinion, for the better. I liked the change in the "possessed" friend. This is more fantasy than horror, really. I enjoyed the performances, thought they hit all the right notes with Dudders, etc. to keep the right feel, and found it thoroughly entertaining.

Sister Wendy: The Complete Collection

I fail to understand how anyone could not love Sister Wendy. She's exceptionally insightful about art, plain spoken without the haughty sense of self importance many art historians seem to adopt, and she transcends what is obviously a very strong Catholic faith to find beauty in works as variable as the Pieta to the highly pagan Birth of Venus. Her views on most everything seem to be very balanced. She points out the details and lets you take the rest and run with it. The only thing that detracts at all from this is that it's far too short and a colossal overview. I'm sure she could have went on for hours and, frankly, I could have went right along with her to see more works of art in these amazing locales. She's sweet, funny, and so obviously gleeful to get to see these works and share her love of them that you can't help but get swept up with her. Down to earth without ever feeling dumbed down.

Dungeons & Dragons

NERD RAGE!! What were they thinking?!?! Okay, I wanted to appreciate this on two levels, but really only hoped for one. First as a fantasy movie (which I love and have a tendency to rate one star higher than almost anyone else) and second as a movie about the world of D&D. This is neither. I swear to you I made it 20 minutes, right about the time they entered the Star Wars cantina. That's it. Jeremy Irons overacted so badly I thought he was giving birth to a dragon rather than trying to enslave one. The sound effects and music made it impossible to hear the dialogue (that was probably a good thing). Blue lipstick man was probably the best thing about the movie. Then there's the Wayans brother playing the same part he always plays...the retarded, token black stoner guy. I understand he dies later in the movie. It shows how much it sucks that I couldn't get to that part, as much as I really wanted to see that. This may be the worst movie ever because it took itself seriously. MST3K couldn't make this movie watchable. Getting syphillis from a donkey in a Tijuana bar show would be more fun than watching this movie.

Masters of Horror: Season 1: Vol. 4

This has one of my favorites on it, Homecoming. Joe Dante hits political satire gold with the story of a politician's spin doctor, when pressed about how the dead soldiers from this war would feel about the policies of the President, states that his most fervent wish would be that they could all cast their vote. Wish answered, the zombie fallen arise to cast their votes. Miike's offering is as disturbing as you would expect of him, but he was really limited by the budget for special effects, apparently. The casting of Drago? Miike, what were you thinking. I adore Miike and most of his stuff, while incredibly violent and sadistic, is pure genius. This comes up short. It is for TV, but I hate to think that this is how he might be introduced to people. Haeckel's Tale is just silly. It doesn't quite fit into exploitation (although there is a zombie orgie) and while somewhat interesting, overall it just wasn't really scary.

Flogging Molly: Whiskey on a Sunday

Saw it, bought it, watched it a bunch of times. I'm a big FM fan, anyway, but I love the way they did this. It's just like they are, very down to earth. The interviews cracked me up and you never get the feeling they are putting on for the camera. If there's anyone out there who likes their music, but has never seen them live, watch then buy your tickets (I guarantee you will). The music is solid, but their live concerts are the best stage shows I've ever seen. If you want to see more of them live, check out the special features where there is a live performance of "Rebels of the Sacred Heart".

Masters of Horror: John Carpenter: Cigarette Burns

I love Carpenter and Norman Reedus so this was a must see. I wasn't disappointed. For actual scares horror this is my favorite of the MOH offerings. The concept is fascinating and even a little social satire on the constant obsession with those who believe every video game, cd, or horror movie is going to make a serial killer out of little Timmy. There's also that hunt for the elusive masterwork angle that most book lovers and movie hounds can't help but be attracted to. The gore is abundant and realistic, but there's always the storyline holding it together. Keep an eye out for the butler. That's a great horror scene.

Stay Alive

Well, they suckered me into this one with the mention of the Blood Countess. I'm fascinated by Elizabeth Bathory and thought cool! a movie about her. Nope, apparently I'm just the nitwit demographic that they put that premise, which has jackall to do with the movie, in the promo for. That being said this was a fun movie. Between being a horror movie buff as well as a gamer any combo of the two is likely to get me on some level. I liked the interaction of the game and the real world. It's like what you do in your mind when you are playing Silent Hill at 3am in a silent house. Is it a great movie, god no, but it is a hoot. Give it a shot. This has the potential of other B films that are obsessively watched even though we can't defend them to anyone else except to say that we like it.

The Break-Up

This movie managed to miss the mark on just about every score. Not truly comedy, too trite to be dark comedy, trying too hard to be funny to be a drama...I'm still not sure what they were going for. The characters aren't terribly likeable people taken individually, together they are a train wreck. The worst part is you can't picture these two having been together in the first place. A one night stand, maybe - a full out relationship, not. That's an incredibly sad commentary when two people who are hooked up in real life have absolutely no chemistry on screen. By the end I was thinking, dear god they have to put them back together again because it's incredibly lame movie law. If I were either of these people, I would have done the proverbial chewing my foot off to get out of the trap rather than live with either of them. Some of the fights over stupid things ring true, but it's been done far better. If you want a break up dark comedy, watch "War of the Roses". This is an incredibly cheap knockoff.

Just Friends

I cannot believe that people are reviewing this movie as a serious film. Yes, it's based on the ideas of how life suddenly opens out after high school allowing you to be whatever it is you want without all of the cliqueish nerd-baiting from high school, but art it is not. It's not even a good movie. While we are supposed to root for Ryan Reynolds character because he was a dork in high school, I thought he would have been better off as a dork than the jackass he grew up to be. The movie even holds that out so that when he tries to be himself, he finally gets somewhere. This movie spectacularly fails at being funny with the exception of Chris Klein, another former dork turned jackass. Apparently in Hollywood a dork is someone who is just as narcissistic and self absorbed as all the beautiful people, just with bad hair and a few extra pounds. Jesus, these people really need to get out of LaLa land every once in a while.

Larry the Cable Guy: Git-R-Done

I love reviews referring you to the 700 club if he offends. Unfortunately the christian right are the ones that find this mental midget funny. If people laughed at him for being a fat, obnoxious, I-r-a-idjit and proud of it, that would be one thing. Most people I've met who like him look up to him as some kind of a sage who is bravely telling it like it is. All I can say is this is the redneck equivalent of black comedians whose entire act revolves around how white people can't dance and "keepin' it real", aight? He doesn't have one original joke. It terrifies the living hell out of me that people look to him as an average Joe. Maybe we have reached the lowest common denominator. I will give him this, his grammar is better than the president's.

The Queen of the Damned

Okay, I have to admit, this is a bad film. I also have to admit I love it and watch it every time it comes on. Why? I'm honestly not sure. I'm a huge Anne Rice fan (prior to her drinking the Koolaid, anyway) and while I thought "Interview" was a great movie, Tom Cruise was just plain wrong as Lestat. Stuart Townsend, however, is the perfect brat prince. This movie butchers the book something awful which would usually send me into apoplectic shock, but somehow this movie entrances me. Aaliyah and Townsend do a good job representing the zeitgeist of their characters, although physically they are both dead wrong. Akasha should look like white marble and Lestat is a blonde with violet eyes. Still, I prefer the personalities matching to the physical characteristics. The only departure that really bugged me was David. He has an incredibly small roll here (unlike in the book) but here David is a young blonde man. He's supposed to be a proper old british gentleman (this is before the body theif). My IWTV geekiness aside, it's a bad movie, but I just can't stop watching it. It's fun and overacted and the ending is wrong, but somehow I find myself putting it on time and time again. I'll check it for subliminal messages next time.

I Love You to Death

One of my all time, laugh out loud favorites! The performances are largely campy (as intended) and the story is true..it has to be, we don't have this much creativity in Hollywood writing. It wasn't what I expected at all. Joan Plowright is absolutely hysterical and steals every scene she's in. William Hurt and Keanu Reeves as the bumbling, would-be hitmen had me holding my sides. If you haven't seen this movie, you really should.

Evil Remains

If I had the option, I would have given this 2.5 stars. Depressing in the fact that I actually thought it started off well. The first half seemed promising then promptly disintegrated. Very amatuerish in the way it tries to have too many stories going at once to confuse the viewer instead of actually having a twist. We have the brothers with the background of abuse, the lesbian couple who can't stop talking about their relationship even when they come across a human skull in a trap, the haunted house/curse angle, the doctor angle, the lonely outcast slightly annoying friend angle... The fact that nothing seems to perturb our nubile, buxom heroine is ridiculous in the extreme. As they escape the killer she stops to have a very calm discussion with her lover who has thrown herself on the ground refusing to continue. They need to go back, take everything from the scene with the brothers in the attic on, scrap it and finish it properly. Then they might have something. As it stands it's one of those films that will leave horror fans frustrated that it's another in the genre that could have been good if only someone had either pointed out the glaring flaws in the script or the makers would have listened. I do have to give them credit, however, for the fact that although they played the oh so sexy lesbian couple angle, they didn't stoop to a lame sex scene in them. (There goes the teenage male viewers)

The Marsh

There's nothing really new here, but it's not a bad watch. The script could have been much better and the supernatural elements were overdone by quite a bit. The living never seem to doubt anything for a moment or evince fear. They just soldier on stoically without ever questioning. It's very much a Sci-Fi channel kind of offering. No gore will be an added bonus for viewers wary of that. There is a tremendous, gaping plot hole about the main ghost's death that is never fully explained, but all in all I've seen worse. It has a nice, creepy atmosphere and the locale really adds to it. If you just want some very light entertainment, curl up with a blanket and some popcorn and enjoy. Just don't expect "The Sixth Sense".

One Hour Photo

This is one of those movies that you have to be ready for. It moves at a snail's pace..purposefully and with great effect. Robin Williams as the stalking, insane, "he seemed so nice" photo developer is bone chilling. My respect for him as an actor rose to new heights with this performance. He is so creepy and believable that when the credits role you will still be feeling the effects. You find yourself looking at salesclerks who seem a bit overfriendly in a whole new way. The premise is absolutely brilliant. Who hasn't heard of the person silly enough to process their boudoir photos at the local place only to be met by giggling or leering when they pick them up? Then there are the stars who have mentally unstable people develop entire relationships with them in their heads that they believe are real. This is that scenario with an average, everyday family. A truly scary film that will have a lasting effect.

Dangerous Liaisons

This film has it all. An incredibly intelligent and audacious script, wonderful performances by an A-list cast, as beautiful to look at it as it is to listen to. And oh, the listening. Some of the best dialogue in any film to date. This movie even transcends the usual period piece to attract a more generalized audience because of it's wickedly contrived plotting and scheming. The fact that you can actually feel sympathy for the narcissitic, malicious leads is a testament to this film's beautiful character development. Even if period pieces and lots of dialogue aren't your normal thing, give this one a shot. I think you will be very pleasantly surprised.

Dead End

Absolutely loved this movie. It's a bit cheesy, but it's a fascinating story. The budget was obviously limited. I think they did one heck of a job though. Deliciously, darkly funny the scares are more subtle than the general hack and slash. The idea of this family together on the miserable drive to grandma's for the holidays ending up in this insane loop is fascinating. Perhaps you need to be a horror fan, I'm not sure. I thought it was very "Tales from the Crypt" and I loved it!

The Craft

Yes, it's silly and overblown, etc., but it's also fun as all get out! I can't say this is a good movie in any of the traditional terms, but it is strangely compelling. You care about the characters and find yourself, naively, following along in their wonder of what they've discovered. This is one of those movies that people hate to admit they like, but they have all seen 10 times. I'll fess up, watch it, it's a blast.

13 Ghosts

For true horror fans, this is a must see if only to see what other horror movies are gypping us out of in terms of amazingly scary ghosts and great set design. Everyone worships the original and the story there is far better along with the acting, but it was a movie ripe for reshooting now that technology had caught up with the story. They mince the story a bit, cast people with names but little talent and that part is apalling and deserves slaps all around. The ghosts, however, are the absolute best I've ever seen, bar none. The set is eerily beautiful and compelling and absolutely perfect for the tale. The only film, in my opinion, to ever get the jerky motion camera right. When the actors are talking just look away, but watch it for the ghost scenes. They are far and away the best of the genre.

Parenthood

I'm generally not a big fan of forced "feel good" schtick, tearjerkers, or even Steve Martin past 1985 or so, but this movie is wonderful. If you are a parent, you will recognize the joy, anguish, and heart in mouth trepidation with which we watch our kids grow up and the self doubt we suffer through wondering if we are doing it "right". While it's very real to life, it never gets down and wallows in it and there is a lot of comic relief that manages to not take away from the issue. Ron Howard brilliantly crafted this gem. His deft touch shines throughout. Someone gave a warning for parents about porn...there's a reference to one of the teenaged kids in the film getting caught with porn movies under his bed. It doesn't really warrant the up in arms alert.

Van Helsing

Horrible, horrible, bad, bad movie. Apparently the writers don't have the foggiest notion regarding any of the "monsters" in the story. Van Helsing is a vampire hunter. Period. Putting all of them together in a big monster cooperative, completely changing the abilities and story of each, then sending in a very bastardized version of Van Helsing (who was a pretty messed up character himself) as some kind of Conan the Barbarian send up is just plain wrong. If you have ever seen a horror movie, read a book, or even heard about any of the myth and legend surrounding any of it, just say no to this attempt to drag money out of the pockets of 13 year olds.

House of Wax

Given the amount of grief this movie has taken, I had to review it. This movie is plain out fun! No, it's not "Psycho". It's not an Argento. It's not a masterpiece, but it is the horror movie at it's most basic and entertaining. The FX are well done, the wax town is beyond creepy, and there are parts in the wax museum itself that were very much a nod to the original classic. In addition Paris Hilton gets killed (about the only thing she hasn't done on film) and that offers an entertainment all on it's own. I got a huge kick out of it. My recommendation, try it! It's not MST3K bad or even funny bad, in my opinion. It is, however, a blast to watch.

To Die For

A blacker than black, intelligent comedy. I'm not usually a big fan of Kidman, but she's absolutely wonderful here. As this anchorwoman sleeps, claws and kills her way to the top you'll find yourself filling in the hair helmet with well known faces from the evening news. A wonderfully entertaining film from a cast you wouldn't normally expect it from.

Bloody Reunion

This movie is ostensibly billed as a slasher flick, but I'd have to disagree. Slasher flicks are generally nothing but gore, nudity, and very thin storyline, i.e. mindless fun. This is more of a thriller with a bit of gore thrown in. A very complicated plotline keeps you wondering and the final twist wasn't visible within the first hour. The gore and torture scenes are not overt (to the mind of the horror fan hearing extreme) and the storyline fits with the horrors perpetrated. This movie and others like "Two Sisters" and "Audition" are a good example of why Asian horror in general and Korean horror, in particular, are moving from the cult following into the mainstream horror market and beyond. Much smarter than the western counterpart. A very good introduction to the new Asian style for people bored with supernatural spider walks and very pale kids. Please just see it before they remake it in Hollywood with Sarah Michelle Gellar or one of the three named (Jennifer Love Hewitt, et al) non-actors in the lead roll. All in all a very good movie.

Annie Hall

I had seen this movie when I was a teenager and couldn't get past how creepy and pedophile-like I found Woody Allen (seems I had a good instinct there). Years later people kept cajoling me to get this movie again and watch it as an adult telling me that even though I'm not a Woody Allen fan (despite liking art house films, etc.) that this would change my view. It did not. I have never found Woody Allen amusing so much as self absorbed, obnoxious, pretentious, and psuedo intellectual. I realize that's supposed to be his genius. I just find it incredibly annoying. This movie has it's moments, but, all in all, it just seems like celluloid masturbation by an egomaniac. If you're a fan, you'll love it. If you're not, this is the worst of the lot.

The Descent

This movie was a real surprise for a lot of horror movie fans. Word spread on the boards while production was taking place had this as the "Thelma and Louise", feminist version of horror. That made me wonder if it would even be viewable and I'm a woman. I was so pleasantly surprised! Great tense atmosphere, good performances, interesting location, and a premise that, despite films like "The Cave", etc. still comes off as a fresh and a bit of a different take. Fans will really enjoy it and appreciate an entry that stacks up as a true horror film. You actually feel yourself gasping for air in some of the tight, claustrophobic scenes and the creatures are well done and subtly treated by the camera. Nice addition to the genre.

Land of the Dead

I adore Romero and tend to appreciate his work on many different levels from being a straight out horror movie buff to unravelling his social satire, but this was...not his best work. I waited so long for another entry in the "Dead" series and rushed out to see this one as soon as possible. I was sadly disappointed. The social commentary was really hamfisted here, not at all like most Romero stuff. The idea of zombies developing self awareness and figuring out that they have the numbers and the powers to topple the powers that be is a sure fire winner for me. Now reduce that to zombie, singular and take away comprehension of the stresses placed on them that would normally fuel this revolution. Just really not his best work.

The Forbidden Dance Is Lambada

An Amazonian Indian princess will save the rain forest by dancing...the forbidden dance! I sadly admit that this could have fallen into that category of tremendously bad films that I saw when I was a teenager and then after love for nostalgic value. Unfortunately I was not a teenager when I saw this. It is ridiculous from start to finish. The music is fun and the dancing is passable. I'd save your queue slot unless you saw it when you were sixteen and have fond memories.

Lambada

Nonsensical and ridiculous. This movie has it all! Terrible script, bad acting, idiotic premise..even the music and dancing aren't well done. Not to mention that if you get motion sick you will feel like you are on the whip end of the roller coaster with the camera's constant jumping and moving. I hoped to at least see some good latin dancing, but it was not to be.

The Last House on the Left

I can't actually say that I liked watching this film. It's brilliant for it's time and, as advertised, one of the most brutal to date. Much of it is heard and somewhat seen in the background, but it's clear what is going on. The worst part is that the rape and torture goes on for so long. It hasn't aged well, but it's definitely a classic in terms of horror making a leap. If you are going to watch it, watch the unrated version. There are several others out there that cut the movie to shreds and make it a ridiculous parody of the original film. There is a certain satisfaction watching the parents turn the tables that I think most viewers find rewarding. I think the most interesting thing about this movie is the reactions people have. Some are inspired to vigilante sympathy and feel that just desserts are just that. Others enjoy the fact that these sadistic freaks get a taste of their own medicine, but wonder at the end if the parents haven't made themselves into the very thing they hate. For Craven fans it's interesting to see how he has developed since this time. You'll notice all of his hallmark traits in their still developing form. Worth a watch even if, as another viewer said, it's just to have seen it.

Empires: The Medici, Godfathers of the Renaissance

I like what they tried to do with this documentary. It's difficult these days to do a good historical piece that can compete with the MTV style stuff out there, but this one tries and is mostly successful. It's a broad overview of a few hundred years of Medici politics and intrigue that glosses over much, but it is excellent for whetting appetites to learn more about this incredibly important historic family. The acting is not great, but the cinematography keeps it interesting. There is repetition of the visuals, but the movement does keep it a bit more lively paced than most of the drier type documentaries. It does leave you with many questions and I would love to see more focused work on many of the areas. One thing for it, though. It doesn't cash in on the current Da Vinci hysteria. In fact, it glosses over it almost too much. Definitely worth a watch.

Soldiers of the Pope

This is an incredibly bad documentary. The sound and picture quality are terrible, the filmed sequences boring, and there is very little contribution by the individuals in the service. There are entire sections 5 minutes long with people speaking in foreign languages without subtitles in what was, obviously, a movie made for an english speaking audience. Even worse, sometimes there's no context for what they are even talking about. There is little in the way of "a day in the life of" these people and everyone was so obviously uncomfortable around the cameras that I felt sorry for these poor guys. All this interspersed with 1960-ish, made for schools history graphics. It's a fascinating subject, but very poorly executed. In several scenes they talk about how endless the corridors and stairways of the Vatican are and you will feel it as they follow a bunch of backs around and around for minutes at length with no commentary, nothing. There is a much better documentary on the subject that was very intriguing, but this is amateurish at best and, most importantly, boring and uninformative. The National Geographic special "Inside the Vatican", while not specifically about the Swiss Guard, has way more information and better interviews with those currently serving.

28 Days Later

I love a movie that can get horror movie boards arguing all over again about fast moving zombies vs. slow moving zombies (fast moving for me). This movie made me think of the book "I Am Legend" for a lot of reasons (not the movie, just the book). Not only do you get a rock solid horror/zombie movie, you get a credible explanation as to how it could have happened. The relationships between the characters make you have an emotional stake in the storyline beyond just the gut clenching fear. This one actually transcends the genre. It appeals to the medical thriller crowd, the sci-fi group, the hardcore horror types, and the post apocalyptic film people. The implications of societal breakdown are handled a bit more seriously here than in most and, as in "Legend", bring up the dehumanization of those who become 'the infected'. Great pacing and good performances. A exceptionally good ride.

Halloween

I put off seeing this as long as I could stand it. I'm a huge Carpenter and particularly "Halloween" fan, so I was ready to be disappointed. Zombie shows all of his best and worst directing traits here. The shots are beautiful. Very Carpenter-esque, but they come off as more of an homage than a rip off. We get to keep the creepy juxtaposition shots with Michael watching events from a scant few feet away from the oblivious participants. The prequel story and reimagined ending are brilliant. I loved the 'photo' angle and the more express reason for him seeking out Laurie (trying not to give away too much). Even Sheri Moon Zombie shines. After her obnoxious turn in "House of a 1,000 Corpses" and the improvement in "The Devil's Rejects", she comes across as genuine here. The downsides are the ridiculous exploitation scenes that show Zombie hasn't quite matured out of it yet. The opening family scenes, the boy's room scene with Michael and the bully, and the kitchen scene with Laurie and her mom all have language so overblown and ridiculously sexually explicit that it seems forced and trying too hard. The rape scene is unnecessary and more of the same. The strangest disappointment was the soundtrack. After TDR's inspired interpretation I expected great things. "Love Hurts" and repeated use of "Don't Fear the Reaper" were so amatuerish and youtube that it threatened to pull the movie down. If Zombie can let go of these two failings, he will be a brilliant director. Overall, the good outweighs the bad, but be prepared to sit through some mind numbing "Jerry Springer" garbage to get to it.

Stephen King's It

I realize everyone trashes this movie, but, sorry..I love it. Tim Curry is amazingly good as Pennywise. Is it as good as the book? Of course not, Stephen's stuff rarely is. He's too detailed to capture well onscreen. I agree with other reviewers. Give us the full version as it was intended. I miss the details of the kids. I've noted the reviews from younger viewers that the childhood parts were boring and unrealistic. For those of us over 30, they are very true. King always manages to capture that 'us against the world' feeling of groups of childhood friends who stayed together away from everyone else from after breakfast until the streetlights came on. The special effects are dated, blah blah, but this film has a special place in my heart. I even loved the B film actors. Watch it for yourself and decide.

The Shining

It's not the book. Period. It is, however, one of the most finely crafted and brilliantly cast horror movies ever made, if not the the most. Kubrick's genius shines like a pin throughout. The sound of Danny's big wheel tires going from carpet to bare floor, the snow scene in the maze. Beautiful to watch and terrifying to behold. Jack Nicholson, little Danny Lloyd, and Scatman Crothers are simply a joy to watch, so perfect are they for their parts. The only thing that I would have changed in this entire film was Shelley Duvall and she's still good. It chops up the book, but this movie stands alone. For the actual book story, get the miniseries.

America's Sweethearts

I actually liked this one. More acerbic than the standard romantic comedy fare. Catherine Zeta-Jones turning on and off her self absorbed princess ego for the cameras was funny. I loved the changed film at the end. Fairly formulaic, but still very enjoyable. Plus...John Cusack. He does such a great neurotic. I agree with a few other reviewers on Julia Roberts. I'm generally not a big fan, but she's actually likeable here. Far better than most of the garbage romantic comedies out there today.

Dolores Claiborne

Another on the small list of movies that do the Stephen King book justice. While this deviates from the book in many ways, it actually maintains the feel. Most of his stuff loses it on the way to celluloid. Kathy Bates is magnificent as is Judy Parfitt playing the employer who gives her a little..push. The only downside to this for me was Jennifer Jason Leigh. While she's supposed to be cynical, emotionally stunted, and dealing with being put in the position of defending a mother she hates, she comes off as just a bit whiny and boring. Her performance and the changed focus from the book keep it from being a 5 star movie for me, but still a very solid and intriguing film.

Wag the Dog

Even though it's a comedy, it smacks very close to home on the political front. The making of a war for public consumption. The writing is sharp, the actors are excellent (well, it is Hoffman and DeNiro), they even have a theme song. Toby Keith couldn't have done it better. One of my all time favorite movies that chronicles the decline of the public's right to know and the way the populace will believe anything spoon fed to them through the television. Should be watched by all, right and left. One side will see Bush and the other will see Clinton and, in the end, that's a good thing since politics is all about show and money no matter your affiliation.

Secondhand Lions

I would have never watched this had I not been forced into by a friend who just couldn't stop raving about it. Where so many "family" movies nowadays are overtly tearjerking or just plain vapid with problems that have nothing to do with real people, this movie just shines. True humor, the laugh out loud kind instead of the usual aimed at the kids or adults specifically, but all very prim and proper. It has all the hallmarks needed for the genre (morals, a lesson) without being preachy or annoying. Duvall and Caine give some of their best performances and Haley Joel Osment is utterly endearing. It's the family appropriate movie for people who can't stand the usual drivel. This one will suprise you.

Stephen King's The Shining

Ah, another King mini-series causing dissent in the ranks of Stephen King's fans. IMHO Kubrick's version was amazing. Scary, suspenseful, a true nightmare inducer with Nicholson...hard to beat. It, however, went so far off of the book as to be almost unrecognizable. This version, on the other hand, is much more true to the book version, but without the phenomenal direction or acting. It's 6 of one, half dozen of the other. Steven Weber is not Jack Nicholson, granted, but I think he turned in a decent performance. In fact, I prefer DeMornay in role of Wendy to Shelley Duvall. Scatman Crothers is sorely missed as is Danny Lloyd, but all in all, it's the other side of the coin. One is a cinema masterpiece loosely based on the book, this is true to the book and is just a movie. It's a decent movie, though, and worth a watch.

Must Love Dogs

I don't expect much from romantic comedies, but some romance and/or comedy would be nice. This failed abysmally on both counts. Diane Lane was so bland as to be almost unnoticed. Cusack was slightly better, but I'm partial. Christopher Plummer and Stockard Channing were the only enjoyable performances of the entire film. Skip it unless you need something to put you to sleep.

The Lost Tomb of Jesus

I'm fascinated with the vehemence expressed about this from all sides. I'm not a religious person. I thought that if you could prove Jesus actually lived, you'd be one step closer to your goals as a Christian. Wow was I wrong! It's very thought provoking and I found alot of the information compelling, although a lot of it was more stretched than taffy on a puller. What's most intriguing is that when this was on TV it was already set to air twice (the usual 3 hours apart for East and West Coast audiences) then many encore performances right there in the guide. Magically it never showed again. I think anyone who claims to be a Christian should watch this movie. For too long people have shirked off anything that might challenge some dogmatic crumb from what they've been told. Why would remains crumble your entire belief structure? Open your mind and take a look. Who knows, you might find something that would strengthen your faith.

The Lake House

I..wow...bad. Sorry, I was channelling Keanu Reeves acting ability. The script is bad and implausible. The acting...well, there isn't much of it. I've seen so many comments about the chemistry between these two. Yeah, chemistry like oil and water. They never mix throughout the movie. I can enjoy a very light, suspend your belief romantic film. I'm female, so sue me. This just left me cold and looking at Keanu Reeves in a love story should never do that. Heck, I never said he wasn't amazing to look at.

The Order

I don't know what it is about this film, but I just love it. It's not the greatest storyline, some of it is just outrageously stupid, but it's like a guilty pleasure that I watch everytime it comes on. Maybe I have a bolt loose and the idea of sexy Heath Ledger as a priest just does something for me, who knows? Still, there is something about this movie that makes you keep watching it even though you know it's not really a good movie. Just know that the thoughts by some that you need to be Roman Catholic to get this movie are off base. I'm not and it all made sense...well, as much as the plot can. Can't help it, still love this movie.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I love the Indiana Jones movies, including this one, the least loved of them all. I didn't mind the pronounced dark spin, the kid was wonderful, and Harrison Ford...well, he's Harrison Ford. He's at his handsome, quirky, action avenger best. I seriously believe the only thing wrong with this film is Kate Capshaw. A more god awful performance I've never seen. She's like Spielberg's Yoko Ono. It really does affect the film since she's in the majority of scenes. That said, this is still far and away a better, more enjoyable and more solid film than any action film made in the last several years.

The Exorcist

Absolutely, positively the scariest movie I've ever seen. I watch extreme horror and tons of supernatural and, in my mind, nothing will ever live up to this. I grew up not far from where the real house was (MD not DC). I think I've read every book, watched every documentary and interview with the priest's involved, you name it. Aside from being brilliantly directed, an oh so young Linda Blair was just superb. It kills me to think that because she was so good that her career effectively was the film and sequels. The music, the framing, the story and the knowledge that it is based (loosely, but still) on a true story just gives you chills over and over again. I must have seen this movie 100 times and I still look over my shoulder and put on all the lights everytime. That's the definition of a true horror classic.

What the #$*! Do We Know!?

I have to love any film that can piss off the uber far right, you're one of us or you're nothing types as well as the institutional, lefty leaning academics who think they know everything. Oh heaven forbid, another viewpoint. Burn it! In actuality this is a fascinating film and, as stated, yes, one of the doctors is a chiropractor...quite notably stated as such when they tell you who everyone else is. There are also many physicists of great stature in the film. Let's not talk about that..shhh. There is a great deal of the Ramtha stuff. Not for me, but interesting nonetheless. The physics discussed are all very real and based on hypothetical conclusions drawn from cutting edge science. There are also many times where tests that have been done and the results proven. They do take this and run with it, right to the outer limits in some cases, but it's hypothesis. I realize that in this country these days we aren't supposed to question or think anything that doesn't goosestep along with the rest. If it makes you feel better wear your cross, hold your bible, heck put on your tin foil beanie. I'll put it this way, if you are such a sheep that you can't trust yourself to decide what seems likely and interesting to you, don't watch this. If you are a moderately intelligent human being who doesn't feel the urge to join cults you pass in the airport terminal, you should be fine.

Spider-Man

All of the grief given the plot here seems a bit overwrought to me. It's a comic book movie. I was suprised that there was some plot going on. Tobey Maguire is very endearing and Willem Dafoe is suitably evil. What happened to Kirsten Dunst's talent? She was only about 10 years old when she made "Interiew With The Vampire" and I remember thinking what a huge talent this kid is going to be, she's definitely one to watch! When did she become this simpering, smiling-through-the-tears all of the time type. She delivers every line with the kind of bubbleheaded, sugary cuteness you expect as a parting line in a romantic comedy. However she is outdone by James Franco in the bad acting department. I've seen Dunst in other movies and know that she can act, Franco I have not. I truly hope this is not his style. I wonder where it went wrong? I love Raimi so I'm hesitant to say bad directing, unless this is what they pictured a comic book movie to be like. It's befuddling how Tobey Maguire made it through with his acting credibility in tact. He was solid throughout while the rest...are left to dangle. Also, it has Bruce Campbell. Anything with Bruce should be an automatic 3 stars just on the intelligence of their casting.

When Harry Met Sally

Ahh..the original that both Ephron and Ryan have made a career copying in an ever more cloying fashion over and over again. Truly funny and touching. I'm not a big romantic comedy fan and this still ranks in my top 10 favorite movies. Ryan and Crystal have great chemistry. Ryan is a bit of the ingenue here, but without the subsequent brainless simpering that characterizes the films to follow. The restaurant scenes all stand out, from the infamous "I'll have what she's having" scene to the awkward "Isn't nice to not have to talk" scene. Well written, brilliantly directed, and perfectly acted. A true classic that hasn't been matched to date.

The American President

Oh my, more bashing from the right and left about political agendas in film. Allow me be the voice of reason. If the final scene were about him outlawing abortion, the movie would be the same. It's about a man in a very public position, the first unmarried (widow) to be elected trying to have a normal life and date. The end scene is about him being true to himself through the strength he gets by seeing himself through the eyes of someone he loves. He only has the strength to vote his convictions against political opposition because she has made him see what's important and because he promised her. People who picture liberal treehugging fanatacists and conservative fascists behind every film really, really need to cut down on the meds and stop troubling the rest of us with your drivel. It's a film. Not even a documentary, it's just a touching romantic comedy. You may all unclench now.

Wedding Crashers

Oh look, it's another comedy that only has about 4 minutes of funny material with a great big, slap you in the head with a brick because otherwise you're too stupid to get it message that will make it heartwarming and endearing and send all the soccer mom's to the car wiping the tears from their cheeks as they smile through it in their newfound will to persevere because this movie gave them the hope to carry on....Walken is, as Walken always is, wonderful. The Vince Vaughn/Isla Fisher relationship gives the only real laughs here. Jane Seymour is amusing as the out of context casting "mom on the make". The material isn't that funny, but seeing her play that part makes it strange enough to elicit a few chuckles.

Elizabeth I

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. While I think alot of the acting in this is outright bad, Helen Mirren is so luminous and spot on that it pulls it to 5 stars. The cinematography is wonderful, the script very good, but Mirren carries the entire thing. What a gift she has, just an amazing performance.

Mrs. Brown

What a surprise this film was. I admittedly only watched it because I love Billy Connolly, but wow! Dame Judi is wonderful, the script is well written, everything is very period and remarkably proper. The huge surprise is Billy "Big Banana Feet" Connolly. Who knew he could act this well? I found the story touching and compelling. A woman so set apart from everyone who actually loved her husband, very dearly, only to lose him and be left utterly and completely alone. Through his loyalty to the late prince and the queen herself she finds in Mr. Brown one last possibility of human companionship. Simply wonderful!

Sideways

Boring. This pretentious little snoozefest might be the least worthy film I've ever seen. I'm in the right age range for this movie, according to other reviewers who think it matters, but this movie represents 123 minutes of my life that could have been more entertainingly spent...oh...shoving bamboo under my fingernails. I only made it all the way through because of all the hype about how wonderful this was and I kept waiting for the magic. Shame on me. There was not one character I had any feelings for other than want to slap them and tell them to grow up. Unlikable from start to finish.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation

Bad, bad, ohhhhh so bad. Anyone who is a fan of the original classic, trust me, skip this. Your blood pressure will pop an artery when you see them turn Leatherface into someone you'd be more likely to go up to, slap and take the chainsaw away from rather than run. Zellweger's career should have been ruined just based on this one performance. The only, and I do mean only, saving grace of this film is Matthew McConaughey's misogynist yokel. I'm not normally a big fan of his, but he played this part with such obvious glee that he's fun to watch even though you hate his character with violent intensity.

Faithful

This an often overlooked movie that I happened to stumble upon and was really impressed with. More proof that Cher, whatever she may be offscreen, is a truly gifted actress. I count 4 incredible roles for her with this one. Compelling and sympathetic, this is a great film if you like to watch "conversation" movies where the foibles of humans are leaked out through the process of discussion.

You've Got Mail

Admittedly I'm not a huge fan of romantic comedies and this movie is a good explanation of why. Meg Ryan does her usual simperingly sweet ditz thing (that was cute and adorable in "When Harry Met Sally" and has become her trademark, call it in performance), Tom Hanks does his tough outside/gooey romantic inside thing...blah blah blah. It's fine. It's okay. It's something to watch when it's a rainy Sunday and you have a cold and don't want to have to think or follow a plot. Jean Stapleton does a funny turn and the little joke about men and "The Godfather" is amusing. Other than that it's your usual golf clap, polite chuckle drivel. The dog, however was awesome and, even according to the script, far smarter than either of these two.

Stepmom

This is one of the hardest movies for me to watch. The acting is good, the script is solid, but it gets 3 stars for tearjerking on an olympic scale. As a divorced mom, this movie kept me up nights for weeks and had me embracing all of my ex's new girlfriends hoping my friendliness would rub off as kindness to my son if I were gone. I'm sure that I should rate it higher and that it's a sign of a good film that it's so affecting, but unless you crave depression it can't be 5 stars.

Session 9

As a horror movie fan who is constantly defending them against people who believe that they are all blood spatter and sexually active teenagers taking axes to the head, this movie is my main weapon in the argument. This movie is one of those creepy, get under your skin, have you looking over your shoulder in the shower types. Whats most fascinating is that you don't really see anything. It's a complex psychological film that will leave you feeling disturbed and, even at gunpoint, you won't be able to pick out a particular scene that did it. The acting is truly top drawer and, I never thought I'd say it, David Caruso is really wonderful here. I cannot give enough praise to all involved with this film. A truly wonderful piece of cinema.

Calvaire

This was an interesting enough movie. The comparisons to TCM have more to do with the stranded in the middle of nowhere with psychotics storyline than any of the actual terror inducing moments. A fairly solid plot, lots of nicely quirky characters, some French rednecks for spice, and decent enough acting. At the end though you just end up shrugging and passing along that it was...okay. Not a bad movie, just not that compelling either. Okay for a single view, but rent before buying.

Office Space

The perfect movie to watch when you find yourself getting to the office door in the morning and having to force yourself to push it open. I absolutely adore this movie for pointing out all of the little slings and arrows we face everyday at the hands of petty people looking for a way to make themselves feel more important by sliding the bullcrap on downhill. I've tried to pick my favorite part of this movie a hundred times and just can't, although the codemonkey geeks beating the printer to death with baseball bats while "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta" plays in the background is comedy nirvana.

The Gravedancers

As a huge horror movie buff who is always impressed by a solid storyline that doesn't need buckets of blood to try and be scary, I really wanted to love this. I liked the story and the first half was compelling. The acting is nothing special, but not terrible. I was with this movie all the way until the end...which is where I wanted to stand up and yell at the screen. The special effects at the end are so ridiculous that it pulls the whole rest of the film down. It's a terrible shame. It's actually a solid little film until those last 10 minutes. Also, I must add as everyone does on all of the "8 Films to Die For" reviews, there's no reason these couldn't have been released. The content is not extreme. It's definitely worth a watch, though.

James Ellroy's Feast of Death

This movie was not what I was expecting. From the excerpt, I was picturing Ellroy doing a bit of going from crime to crime and commenting on theories of the who/what/when/where variety. There are only 2 cases discussed - his mother's murder and the infamous Black Dahlia. Many people are put off by his admittedly arrogant demeanor, but the guy is fascinating. Abrasive and crass, but utterly devoted to his wife who he speaks about often, casually and with great affection. I couldn't get past the feeling that he's really having one over on people with his persona. There is also an undeniably creepy aspect to this fellow with all the "panty sniffing B & E" stuff from his childhood, not to mention the often erotic prose concerning his mother. I felt like I was watching the tapes from someone's therapy sessions. The homocide detectives in the round table discussion were riveting. I've never been a huge fan of his writing, to be honest, but this was still compelling and I'd recommend it to people who, even if they aren't familiar with his work, have a compulsion to watch unsolved crime stuff as well as people who are fascinated with the way people's minds work.

Mr. Brooks

This movie is remarkable for taking two celebrities with on screen presence issues that are usually annoying and casting them where they are perfectly suited. Kevin Costner's lack of emotional range and deadpan boring delivery is perfect for the good guy everyman with skeletons a'plenty in the closet. Dane Cook's overzealous energy rendolent of an 8 year old ADHD sufferer in desperate need of his Ritalin works and is perfectly suited to the character. While the script is fairly predictable, it still works. I still can't quite put my finger on why, but this movie is strangely compelling.

The Number 23

I love thrillers and everyone told me that I would be seeing this number everywhere after seeing this film. Instead I found a lackluster...everything. Performances, cinematography, you name it. The script was less than lackluster. The ending is ridiculous and left me sitting there thinking, I watched this boring 1 1/2 hours to get to this?! I really thought Carrey had some serious acting potential. I've seen in it this film, Eternal Sushine, etc., but he never seems to quite make it. Overall a dull film with an ending that will make you want to hunt down Schumacher and give him a piece of your mind.

Art of the Devil II

As a huge fan of asian horror and horror in general, this should have been right up my alley. Sadly, the dubbing is so abysmally, stomach crampingly horrid that I couldn't watch it. Think anime. There's your voice dubbing. There's a possibility this could be a halfway decent movie with subtitles, never great because the actors are a bit hammy even with the sound off, but with that track you'd be far better off watching Juon for the 100th time or even "The Grudge" with Sarah Michelle Gellar bringing the suck, anything but this.

The Contract

What a disappointment. 2 brilliant actors, both living up to standard in 1 exceptionally poor movie. The dialogue is on the same maturity level as "I know you are, but what am I?" The plot is just silly. Bad premise, bad development, and I'm talking beyond predictable...the only thing unpredictable about this film is that there are these two amazing actors trapped in it. The story of how they got them on board would be far more interesting. One pictures them approaching Cusack saying "well, Freeman's on board" and vice versa. Either that or there was a heavy stakes poker game that they were on the losing end of. I couldn't finish it. Considering one of my great joys in life is to salivate over John Cusack on film, that should tell you all you need to know...

The War of the Roses

This is one of those rare movies that I can watch over and over and still be entranced by the performances and storyline. If you like black comedy, this is the epitome. It's fascinating to watch them play out on screen that feeling you get when you turn to your spouse after years of a shared life and realize you have no idea who that person is. The characters are flawed and it always reminds me of what you would see if reality TV were really real, i.e. hidden cameras catching the non-public faces of people. Realizing that everything you've spent your life working towards is empty is a depressing concept, but the viciousness with which these two do battle along with the true to life change from relationship to coveting "stuff" just because you don't want the other person to have it is sheer brilliance.

Wes Craven's New Nightmare

Craven took quite a chance with this one and hit a home run. I've always been a fan of the NES franchise, preferring it over the others, but this was something completely different. Having the cast and crew play themselves as being haunted by the movie was a new angle and one that I was thoroughly entertained by. This movie is a must see for anyone who enjoyed the first 2 movies if, for nothing else, the fresh approach to the genre.

American Psycho

I have to say I love this movie. If darker than dark comedy is your thing, you're in for a treat. I can't believe this is not specified in that genre. Christian Bale is wonderful playing the self absorbed, outwardly perfect yuppie with a laserbeam ambition to beat them all. I've always thought to truly enjoy this movie it should be watched immediately after "Wall Street". It is an indictment on the entire 80's culture, right down to Huey Lewis. Whenever he talks music, you know you're in trouble.

Frailty

This is a movie so often overlooked that it makes me want to cry. One of the single most original scripts I've ever seen, taut drama, great acting, and twists that will leave you questioning who had it all right at the conclusion. This movie will have you thinking about it long after you are done watching it. I also saw a subtext about the dangers of religious fervor floating around in there. I recommend this movie to everyone I can. Simply brilliant.

Airplane!

I've yet to meet a single person who can't quote some line of dialogue from this movie. This is one of the few comedy films on par with Monty Python. Consistently funny and surprisingly well aged, it's one of the very few movies that I still laugh at even though I've seen it 100 times. If you haven't seen this movie you really are missing a piece of witty, silly, and down right funny piece of film. Some of the jokes might be a bit dated for the younger crowd (Larry Byrd references and teasing Kareem Abdul Jabar about only trying in the playoffs), but that is really at a minimum. Most of it is so basic that it's ageless.

American Beauty

This movie is one of my all time top 10 favorites. The acting is brilliant, the script inspired, and the reactions people have to it are very pronounced. Spacey and Benning are absolutely superb. This movie tells you as much about yourself and your view on the world and the other humans who share it with you as it does about the characters and storyline. I see people accusing this movie of pretention, but I wonder if they paid attention. It's shows you human beings in all the faults and foibles and lets you know that despite all that, there's something worth redeeming in everyone. A great film for discussion with friends. It will certainly tell you a lot about them.

Constantine

Why oh why do people keep casting Keanu Reeves? If you took a piece of cardboard, albeit a very beautiful piece of cardboard, and stood it in his spot you'd still get the same dramatic range. I love devil/heaven/hell thrillers. I can live with limited dialogue in this genre and even lackluster performances that point out the actor's limited range (Rachel Weisz) instead of pointing out how they are talented enough to overcome script problems, but this movie's main problems are the two leads. Despite all of that, I found the film interesting visually and conceptually. I loved the performance of the devil. He was mesmerizing.

Magnolia

This movie left me incredibly cold. Many people have found it moving and saw deep symbolism throughout. Frankly I got alot of the symbolism (I won't say all because alot of it is so convoluted I prefer to give the screenwriter the benefit of the doubt and assume I didn't get what it was going for), but I found it to be a pretentious little cowpie of a movie trying waaaaay too hard to be something it wasn't. I only gave it 2 stars for the cinematography, which I did find interesting. The performances seemed forced to me and I really couldn't have cared less about any of the characters. They just seemed vapid and shallow and full of narcissitic bile that made me hope that they all really were dead at the end.

One Missed Call

I love Miike, but who knew he could do something so fun! This has a certain bubblegum feel to it that makes the scary bits all the scarier. An interesting concept that doesn't take itself too seriously. I find comparisons to The Ring or Ringu to be puzzling. While those are dark and taut, this one mixes the tension with a light feel to it. If you're not conversant with Miike's work, this could be misleading. This omits his trademark sadistic torture scenes and while it has it's fair share of cringeworthy deaths, it's very tame compared to the majority of his work.

Audition

This movie slips under many people's radar. It's a film for horror movie types (no one else could stomach the last 10 minutes) and they are generally not used to subtlety. This film fascinated me because there is this dichotomy of rather boring story and background interspersed with moments of sheer freak out value. It also has one of the most original torture scenes ever to be put on film. Miike is famous for this, but here he has created something entirely new. You do need a bit of patience to watch. Do not expect scare a minute screams. This film is much more low key and, for me, all the more terrifying for it.

The Boondock Saints

I may be the only non-conservative on the face of the planet to enjoy this film, if the other reviewers are to be believed. This movie is quirky, thought provoking, and the performances are interesting. This film is largely about challenging your beliefs. If you can honestly say that you've never thought that the world would be a better place without someone in it, then it won't make sense. Otherwise it should make you think about how far is too far. Willem Dafoe is at his eccentric best here. However if constant F bombs make you foam at the mouth, you'd best stay away. They are killing people who make the world a scary place for everyone, yet they are acting as judge, jury and executioner. Even worse, they are doing it with a religious conviction that they are God's own avenging angels on earth. The part with Connolly is far too incredulous and overdone, but the rest is interesting enough to pull it past that. I think the bad reviews come from the mixing of a kind of far right, christian values, killing for God aspect and the constant gratuitous vulgarity. I found it fascinating and highly entertaining.

The People vs. Larry Flynt

This movie was a complete surprise. Take two people that don't have very much in the way of acting chops then center the movie around someone who is sleazy and you could never imagine being sympathetic to. I expected a mess and what I got was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Woody Harrelson and, I can't believe it even as I type it, Courtney Love turn in stunningly good performances. The reminder of freedom of speech and what we give away when we allow that to be limited, even when we find the content distasteful, is even more timely now than when the movie was made. Ed Norton, as always, shines as the lawyer that cleans up after the loud, hair triggered Flynt. This is the rare movie that can actually open minds that don't care to be.

Eyes Wide Shut

I was not offended by the nudity, drug use, or sexual expression in the film. I was, however offended by the tragically bad performances by Tom and Nicole, the lack of a plot, and the fact that this was the last film Kubrick would direct. My heart breaks that he went out on this shallow, vapid piece of...film. Kubrick's shots are interesting, as always, but that's the only thing about this film worth mentioning. Pretentious and completely lacking in story it truly feels like a piece created by people sitting around a table thinking, "I wonder what Kidman looks like naked?".

Boogie Nights

This movie is brilliant, stark, and a bit hard to watch. While I love it for it's excellence in all aspects - performances, script, direction - it shines it's unwavering spotlight on these human beings caught up in a bleak, heart breaking world that is infinitely more soul rending than any tearjerker. The brilliant writing makes you care about these people deeply and then forces you to watch as they sabotage their lives all the while trying to convince themeselves that they are somebody. An incredibly affecting piece of cinematic art.

Big Trouble in Little China

God I love this movie. I have to giggle when I see people talking about how the plot was unbelievable and Russell's character was over-the-top. Seriously, people, schedule a checkup because I'm positive there's something stuck far up there. If you don't get that that is the entire point of this film perhaps you should go watch some pretentious snobfest like Magnolia. It's one thing to not enjoy this kind of humor. It's another to miss the fact that it is intended to be humor. It's camp from beginning to end, hammed up perfectly by Kurt Russell. The only thing I would have changed about this film is Kim Catrall. She's the one fly in the ointment that is one of Carpenter's most entertaining films.

Donnie Darko

While hating to burst the bubble of the reviewers recommending this only to teenagers or posers or psuedo intellectuals, this 30 something mom places this movie in her top 10. This movie is bizarre and strange, but it really deals with questions we all face. Is there an omnipotent deity? If so, why do bad things happen? How much does free will play into the whole thing? I do recommend the director's cut, however. There is a crucial scene relating to the book/movie "Watership Down" that, for me, caused me to question the storyline flow in the last 20 minutes until I was able to see David Kelly's intended sequence. Other than that, the editing that Kelly supports in his take on it was well done. The original full version was a bit heavy handed in giving the message and the edits allow you to walk away and think about what it all means and to disagree. This movie is something everyone should watch. It does seem to be a love it or hate it kind of thing. For those that the message resonates with it will spark debate, thinking and many watchings.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

This movie somehow left me cold. Jim Carrey turns in a surprising solid performance without a trace of his usual schtick. Winslet is so/so in my opinion. It felt like she was trying too hard. Of course, so is her character so perhaps I'm being a bit hard on her there. For me, this movie was 3 stars just because it is so bleak. While the concept was fascinating and the story itself is thought provoking, the characters are so unlikable that it ruined it for me. I've watched this movie 4 times and I walk away every time depressed and wondering if the overall message is why bother. Do not watch this with any significant other that you are not rock solid with. Chalk one up for the nihilists. This movie is gray, gray, and more gray.

Sleepy Hollow

Depp and Walken together in a movie..sheer bliss. I am generally pitted on the side of evil in the minds of the legion of Tim Burton fans. I find his work interesting to watch, but generally not compelling and it always feels like it's just trying to hard to be different. This one, however, is a gem. I loved the take on Depp as detective. He, of course, performs beautifully. Ricci is a popular actress who I generally don't enjoy as much as the GP, but here her limited screentime really delivers. Casting Walken as the horseman was sheer genius and, while we don't get to hear his mellifluous and entrancing speech cadence, he is hands down the scariest horseman to date.

Hostel

As a long time horror fan and someone who continues to have faith that Eli Roth will live up to the potential many have seen in him, I was beyond disappointed in this film. Nudity over substance, incredibly bad dialogue, lackluster performances, and very unrealistic gore (what little of it there is). This movie could have went two ways. It could have been more of the thriller genre and the premise of the movie certainly could have supported that. It could have went the horror, realistic gore angle - another option completely in line with the premise. Instead it went for a completely unconvincing series of encounters and run ins that let me feeling as if I'd been insulted when they thought I could suspend my disbelief that much. How they managed to make something based on a true story so utterly unbelievable, I fail to understand.

The Comedians of Comedy: The Movie

I have to admit to being a fan of not only cutting edge comedy, but these comics in particular, that aside this is still one of the funniest, freshest things I've seen in a very long time. I disagree with the idea that this comedy is for the 20's crowd only. The comics themselves are all in their 30's and, now, 40's. The offstage stuff is, for me, some of the best material. Think back to when you were a teenager and you got together with your friends and just laughed hysterically until your sides hurt. That's this film. I'm not quite sure what the inside jokes some other reviewers referred to are exactly. The majority of the jokes are centered around politics and current events. Unless you're unaware who the president is, you should be fine.

Ichi the Killer

This movie is something else. While I admit to being partial to Miike films in general, this transcends even his usual work. Fascinating characters that are in the extremes of human nature, yet still have a core of concerns central to all people. There is a great deal of gore, but while it's very realistic looking, it's so over the top that it becomes almost comical. A great deal of this film is extremely dark, blacker than a black hole comedy. Some of it is incredibly violent. A definite must see, in my opinion. You will walk away thinking about it, even if the question is what in the world was that about?